three hundred eighty one

 HOW DO YOU PERCEIVE THE WORLD?

As the internet became more user friendly and available to the average person we have gone from the almost unrestricted free flow of information to illegal  corporation/government involved censorship. 

If you are still relying on media of any form to give you the complete picture you are naive. You are being manipulated, propagandized and lied to. Because we can't be everywhere news and events happen we have relied on the constitutionally protected media to tell us the full unbiased truth. 

Unfortunately most media sources have completely sold out to the forces of popularity, profit and ideology. When they are called out they hide behind this constitutional protection and lash out to demonize and destroy anyone who may reveal the truth about their lies and omissions.

Ironically they accuse any uncontrolled voice of spreading conspiracy theories, misinformation and lies. Their obvious over reaction to free speech is clear but if you say something enough times a percentage of people will believe it. No matter how obvious this is they will always have an audience because it is just easier to go along. 

Many stay loyal to a particular news source because they hate the same people they hate. They spin every event to claim all credit for the home team and assess all blame to the enemy team. Loyal listeners enjoy the steady stream of hate, insults and mocking and they accept it as accurate and unbiased. Don't get me wrong this is a problem across the political spectrum.

Many have become frustrated and have reached a point they ignore everything but even they are being propagandized by entertainment, social media and search engines. 

Even if you see this clearly it is extremely difficult to find reliable sources of accurate information. History is being rewritten, values have been changed, words are redefined and age old common sense and morals are now called hate, bigotry and racism. 

If you do have the curiosity to know what is true I believe it is still possible. We all need to learn the art of discernment or critical thinking. Unfortunately this basic skill is no longer taught in schools or colleges. They still use these terms but even the words are part of the new deception. First it requires a willingness to know the whole truth but even this is discouraged. 

Before Vatican two there were many Catholics who relied on Priests to discern the truth about the Bible. In fact laymen Catholics were discouraged from reading  the Bible because it would confuse and mislead them. After Vatican Two there were many Bible study groups formed and a grass roots reform happened. Throughout history anytime the common man has access to information there is a change.

America is built on the principle of a citizen controlled government with a free flow of information. However this requires the active participation of the citizen. We require free and fare elections. Trust in our representatives, justice system and media. Unfortunately too many of us have been asleep, distracted, deceived and propagandized.  

It all begins with the willingness and skill to see the big picture. Our media uses the tunnel vision method to manipulate the masses. If it is cold, hot, rain, no rain, fires, floods, storms, earthquakes, volcanos or bad hair days it is the end of democracy, freedom or the whole damn world.  Then they blame the other team because they didn't pass more legislation, spend enough money or enact a new policy. 

They lie by omission, if an event happened but no one reports on it to many it did not happen. If someone does say it happen it is characterized as misinformation, a talking point or a nutty conspiracy.

 

Facts and actual solutions be damned, the worst thing a politician  can do is actually solve a problem. They dramatically proclaim all problems are a crisis that desperately need to be solved by spending more and more money, passing sweeping legislation and regulating. Most important it becomes a powerful club to beat your enemies with because they are greedy cold hearted haters who just don't care. 

Occasionally there is someone who tries to change this. They actually solve problems, spend less money, enforce laws, shrink government and give the power back to us, but if this does happen we see the results. Most can't endure this pressure and quickly sell out, get destroyed by media or go to jail. 

People can be destroyed but ideas live on, this is harder to control. Ideas inspire and endure, they create movements but these are subject to demonization. They are blamed for acts of violence that only happen in made for TV movies. Insults and mischaracterizations only fan the flames and steel the resolve of those being smeared. 

Propaganda is powerful but government agencies, news media and big tech have lied so often more and more people don't trust them. But to the true believers even the statement that the media is bias will draw mocking criticism. 

Everything is now political, we must understand that fact. The days of blindly trusting anyone to tell us the whole truth are over. In a way that isn't a bad thing. Discerning is a lost art, like an atrophied muscle it needs to be strengthened.   

I know if feels like all is lost but throughout history only a small percentage of people have righted a sinking ship. America has a history of losing focus but when it gets bad enough they wake up. The Emperor is naked and average people are beginning to notice. 

Information is now coming to us in a form that bypasses major media. Actual events are happening to everyone, at the gas pump, the grocery store check out, in restaurants, housing costs, subscription fees, air travel, medicine and utility bills. Violence, homelessness and hatred are actually in our neighborhood not in another neighborhood across town. The constant reactions of our current leaders is a steady hate filled stream of accusations that others are causing division and hatred while at the same time preaching empty words of unity and caring. 

I see signs everyday that our media and politicians are wearing out their message and becoming a comedy sketch. You can tell because the words change because the old ones have lost their effect. The smell of bull shit is so strong now that well crafted words won't cover it up.

I know there will always be gullible people of all stripes. With the media megaphone they seem larger than they really are. Only a few will diligently search the internet for the absolute truth but everyone pays bills and sees the world around them. They may not show up in poll numbers or attend rallies but more and more are waking up. 

They are actually afraid of an informed motivated and pissed off citizen. If even a small percentage wake up they will lose control. Five minutes of unfiltered truth or a negative experience can destroy a life of indoctrination. 

I am worried but I trust the American idea. Keeping the masses dependent, angry and scared will just go so far until the average citizen wakes up. I think we are quietly waking up. 

three hundred eighty

Pee-wee Herman

Paul Reuben recently passed away, he had a  complicated career that unfortunately in today's reporting has negative reviews, but I expect no actual journalism. I really liked his energy and off beat humor. I remember his early stand up appearances on talk shows and Saturday Night Live. He was always an acquired taste and broke new comedy ground.

He was never a child friendly entertainer and he was never intended to be.  Parents saw the bright sets filled with colorful characters but ignored the obvious underlying adult humor. I don't know his sexuality and I refuse to assume but many commentators express an opinion. He was eccentric and secret about his private life and let his work speak for itself.

He had a way of using subtle to blatant sexual implications accompanied by his patented perfectly timed silence and look. He was hard to explain so I see how many not paying attention missed his genius.

Pee-wee was an original, his standup had a structure. His voice, look and props drew out a few audience members into uncontrolled laughter. He would focus on this small group that quickly infected the entire audience. I was never sure if I was laughing at him or the giggling audience. 

His movies were outrageous but the underlying interaction with his famous guests was the focus. Two adults dressed in silly costumes acting out a ridiculous script was on its surface funny. What was really genius was his ability to include his audience in a secret. The inside jokes and comments between Pee-wee and his guests made you feel like part of the cast. Mr Rogers did it with kids but Pee-wee did it with the adults. 

Most corporate meetings have at least one class clown who  makes comments to entertain the people around them at the expense of the boring speaker. Pee-wee took it to a new level he was on stage assisting the boring speaker while making stealth comments and looks behind their back. He was so good the boring speaker actually thought he was being the funny one.

He has many famous guests,  Annette Funicello, Frankie Avalon, Magic Johnson, Dinah Shore, Joan Rivers, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Whoopi Goldberg, Little Richard, Cher, Charo, k.d. lang, the Del Rubio triplets, and Grace Jones....

A young Oprah

Laurence Fishburne

and the late Phil Hartman.

Paul had a career derailing arrest as a sex offender. He was caught in a sting in an adult movie theater. Before VHS adult movies were only found in adult movie theaters. These were dark older theaters usually located in a rough part of town. If there was an appropriate public place to masturbate it would be in one of these. The press reports made it sound like he was standing beside a white van next to a school yard.

I understand how parents were outraged because they thought he was a child entertainer. Actually child guests were extremely rare. Pee-wee was always talking to his adult audience not the kids. I believe they appeared after his shows became popular and I never got the feeling they were welcomed by Pee-wee. Stage parents will do anything to promote their children ask Macaulay Culkin.

Paul died after a long bout with brain cancer. He made a few film projects but the Pee-wee Playhouse never reemerged. His movies have become cult classics for their whit and unique comedy. His gift of laughter lives on. 

A sample of Pee-Wee's humor

three hundred seventy nine

AUGUST 5, 1990

 Now another twenty four hours.....

This sobriety journey is like my long bike trips, one mile or one day at a time. Both seem impossible looking forward and looking back.

three hundred seventy eight

CHANGING PERSPECTIVE

Today people are obsessed with physical fitness and health. In fact fitness is now a fashion statement and to many their new religion. Gyms are filled with spandex clad gym bunnies and show muscled boys. Six pack abs and firm butts are a required status symbol. They must be displayed in skintight designer gym wear but they must never be admired under penalty of law. 

My generation is in the gyms for other reasons. It can be a great social event but most of us are just trying to extend our lives. There are a few who still play the spandex fashion game but 80 year old cameltoe just doesn't work for me....well not yet.

Nutrition is another obsession, Keto, Mediterranean, Paleo, Raw, plant based or vegan, everyone is on some sort of diet. I have lost almost 30 pounds with intermittent fasting, carb cutting and walking 10 or more miles per day. I have been on the bike a few days and plan to do more to build an injury free base. 

My new knee is awesome but my hip has a small nagging hitch. This isn't new it is from a leg injury many years ago. It will settle in but I have to go slow while I strengthen the surrounding muscles. Summer is short in central Oregon so I haven't posted much because I'm enjoying as much of the outdoors as possible.

I feel the effects of age more and more. My joints ache, make strange grinds and clicks and my skin is beginning to look like and old guy. My arthritic hands and lower back are a nuisance but not a game changer. My heart plumbing could be better, my blood pressure is controlled and it takes a little longer to pee. My sight and hearing are fading which comes with age but compared to my piers I'm in pretty good shape. 

My mind is clear but a shopping list helps. I have the urge to reminisce  and over share but I think I have always had that urge. I now consciously keep conversations short and limit my reminiscing to this blog. My fear of dementia is always there because of my father but so far so good I'm still quick witted and have a decent memory. I have focused on remembering names since our move from Hawaii, something I didn't think I could do.

My cycling skills are a little rusty but I'm certain they will come back over time. My balance is still good but strength and muscle memory will improve this. The bottom line is I think another long tour is possible but it will take a lot of work. Losing weight and getting out and about is well on its way.

My moods are normal, I sleep well and have a good appetite. My faith is strong and I find comfort in the trustworthiness of Jesus. 

Now to the point of this post, perspective. 

As my body and mind age I have changed my perspective as to who I am. I am not just my body and mind I am my soul. I am no longer a body with a soul, I am a soul with a body. The three dimensional reality of our flesh and blood bodies is how we perceive ourselves most of our lives, but as time passes we realize we are simply occupants.

Many who have faced serious disease or injury already understand this but our culture today is hanging on to our physical bodies for dear life. 

Eventually some vital system will fail from illness or injury. Eventually this flesh and blood suit that is required to live in this earthy dimension will stop working and we will have to leave. The question is where will we go? 

Many feel the end of life is like turning off a light switch but if this is all their is, what was the point? I believe there is a choice to make before we leave our bodies, do we want to be with God or not? I trust there is something beyond words waiting for us but for now I am not finished with my time in this earthly dimension. 

I have miles to ride, people who need me and the message God wants to be told. In other words it is better for me to be here, I have the unfinished business of caring for and loving the people in my life. To be blunt I have people to see and shit to do.

Living everyday and drinking in every moment is what I have learned is important. The aging of my body and mind is simply part of life. Some get old and stop living even though their bodies survive, others are obsessed with keeping their bodies alive and miss life. There is a balance I have tried to find, somedays I am off balance but a few days I think I get it.

three hundred seventy seven

 FIRST TIME LAST TIME FRIENDS

Humans are created to be social creatures, so intimate contact with other human beings is vital. I have resisted this fact most of my life and in it's place I chose to interact with other humans but always keeping them at arms length. I created the illusion of intimacy by developing a skill to instantly connect with total strangers. 

My many years of working in the retail service industry helped me develop the skill to become an instant trusted friend. I became the stereotype friendly cab and bus driver. I could read a customer in seconds and launch into a serious conversation. This skill was useful in the customer service and sales industry, the question is do I use it for good or evil? As your new trusted friend, do I take advantage of you or help you? 

Many focus solely on making a sale or hustling a tip, I learned to focus on the person. I truly wanted to help them make the right purchase or have a positive safe experience. As a result I had repeat happy customers and generous tippers. 

I felt good about my priority but it still wasn't a real connection. You can only get so close to a person from behind a meat counter or during a cab or bus ride. Customers may or may not shop again, bus passengers may or may not ride again and cab passengers may get on a plane and fly thousands of miles away never to be seen again. Our brief moment of intimate contact may consist of all lies or absolute truth. It is a no risk conversation, you won't get caught in a lie and there is no threat if a secret is revealed.  

You can't imagine the things I have heard because many people choose this dynamic to dump their problems and emotions. I have been asked very awkward questions and heard explicit secrets. I have been asked by couples to settle arguments, give advice about life choices and once to assess a man's sexuality. Customers are aware of this no risk dynamic and show no shame. A man who passionately kisses his wife goodbye and as soon as the door is closed asks me about a strip bar or happy ending massage parlor or a woman obviously heading to an afternoon affair with another man while on the phone doing smoochy talk with her husband. 

However there were meaningful conversations about life that is usually due to my prompting. I have discovered these are conversations many people rarely discuss. Talking to people about fears, dreams or shortcomings is way too intimate for next-door neighbors and often family members. I love to hear what people think and I really enjoy getting them to think. If I can put a thought or two into someones mind it may spur them to have a real conversation with someone else.

Talking about the weather, sports or work is the shallow end, I love to use my time with strangers to use this no risk dynamic to wade into the deeper waters. Some people immediately get uncomfortable and I respect that but many find it refreshing. I'm sure most of us have had an unexpected profound experience with a good listener bar tender, a random seat partner on a long flight or a talkative philosopher cab driver. Life is filled with these first time last time friends.

I lived exclusively in this world and thought I was connected with people but I was still alone. I have no life long friends or close relatives. I did not have people who have known me at my worst. No-one to see my inconsistencies, weakness and hypocrisy. 

Since my move from Hawaii to Bend Oregon I have made a personal commitment to find more longterm friends. First of all it takes time and finding that person who can handle my intense personality. I can be too much for some, a bit too eccentric, opinionated or direct. I have heard I am a required taste.

I have recently had a few negative experiences but a few positive ones. I'm in my seventies still trying to make friends on the school playground. Somedays I am drawn back to the first time last time friends world but I keep trying. Making longterm friends just takes time I guess. I force myself to call people, attend social events and say yes to any group activity. People are very complicated.

We watch Cheers, Big Bang Theory or Friends because of the friendships. We are all intrigued with a group of tight friends but it is only scripted television. As I figured that out I learned that having one or two good friends in this life is enough and unfortunately rare. I think most people go through life alone. They may be like me and put on a good show but they are actually alone. 

Everyone has the need to be seen, but the fear of what others will think paralyzes them. A friendly cab driver, bar tender or fellow traveler is no substitute for a consistent friend. I wish I could give the magic words, technique or secret formula but I haven't found one. This is even more difficult today, families are scattered, social media is poorly named and mistrust is at an epic level.

I have found friendship in my life, there is nothing like it. I can't tell you exactly how or why it happened, it was just being open at the right place and the right time. These friendships will last forever no matter the time or distance. The one thing I do know I am the one who needs to make the first move, people won't find me. 

I'm writing this after four days of a guys campout. I enjoy the interaction and banter of a bunch of men but not all personalities mesh. I really relate to John Candy's nervous obnoxiousness in Planes Trains and Automobiles because I love to talk and I know I can be a chatter box. 

The usual male rifting got personal and I got my feathers ruffled so I needed to write this post, even a seasoned thick skinned cab driver can get his feelings hurt. Like I said I'm an acquired taste and don't mesh with everyone so I decided to focus on the other nervous chatterboxes I met around the late night campfire. One sure thing is running back to that first time last time world is not an option. 

three hundred seventy six

MY UNLIKELY BIBLE HEROES 

THOMAS NEEDED PROOF

JOHN THE BAPTIST HAD DOUBTS

PETER DENIED

PAUL PERSECUTED CHRISTIANS

Four of the many flawed men God chose to do great things. 

I first thought the men an women of the Bible had special super powers. I assumed if they had spent time with Jesus, witnessed his miracles and heard his words, how could they possibly doubt and deny him? As I learned more I found these were all just regular people. 

I have lived enough life to realize bravery is an extremely rare trait. Very few people will actually step up and risk their physical safety, their wealth or their reputations. Today our lives are relatively safe and easy. It is hard to understand how things were back then but this doesn't stop us from judging their actions. 

I think a lot about bravery and honor. I love any story about physical bravery, ethical bravery or someone keeping an oath or promise at all cost. Unfortunately our modern culture has lost something. Selfishness, fear, embarrassment, rationalization, narcissism and victimhood have eroded the respect for these selfless acts. 

I love to watch royal knights prove their loyalty to the thrown, soldiers brave danger to protect our freedoms or gun fighters turned lawman risking their lives to protect defenseless citizens. I then quietly ask myself if I have what it takes to be that selfless and brave.

As I studied more about these Bible heroes I found they had moments of greatness but they also had moments of weakness and failure. This is one of the reasons I am convinced the Bible is God inspired because men would not document these failures of character. They would craft a better story and "spin" like our modern politicians. 

From the beginning Jesus and his followers have been slandered and persecuted. Today the main line of attack is to point out hypocrisy. Throughout our media I hear jokes and criticism of Christians because they have character flaws. They build a straw man by saying Christians claim they are perfect then point out their humanity. Portraying Christians as judgmental uninformed hypocrites is the main way they discredit their message. 

In reality being a Christian does not make us immune to temptation and failure, this leaves us open to the perceived charge of hypocrisy. Because of this many Christians make an attempt to rationalize and hide their shortcomings. They attempt to present a perfect saintly image, but like the heroes of the Bible we have no super powers. We can fool ourselves and the world around us but inevitably our flaws are revealed. What matters is what we do with these moments of doubt, cowardice and pride. 

These four Bible heroes took corrective action. When they had a doubt they asked for proof, when they acted cowardly they asked forgiveness and when they were prideful they were open to being humbled. Doing nothing when we fail is always the wrong answer. 

Each man was given proof, forgiveness and correction. Ironically each man was strengthened by their experience. If we take action we too can become stronger in spite of our own times of failure. Wasting time hiding and denying is destructive because we will eventually drift away and believe our own lies. If we continue to fool ourselves we will inevitably lose our connection with God.

I find comfort through these flawed men and I realize their strength comes through their weakness. Their dependance on God is strengthened which in a way became their super power. Being open, honest and willing is a large part but accepting our own powerlessness is the key. 

Each of these examples had an amazing result. Thomas became a fearless witness, John the Baptist met his executioner reassured, Peter was freed of shame to launch the church and Paul was put on the right path to proclaim the truth about Jesus. 

I have taken many paths through my life, doubt, uncertainty, shame and pride have broken my connection with Jesus. Sometimes it was only moments but sometimes it was years. My story does have one constant, I eventually asked. Jesus has always reacted with me the same way he reacted with these great men. 

No matter how far you have fallen being honest and asking for help is the answer.

three hundred seventy five

 It's simple, just lay down, go to sleep and stay asleep.

WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?

I had very little trouble sleeping when I was on my bicycle trips. Once I found a safe place to camp I was so exhausted all I had to do was crawl in my tent, closed my eyes and I was out for the night.

Occasionally I did some nocturnal eating because of my bodies craving for calories. Waking up surrounded by Pop-Tart wrappers or an empty jar of peanut butter I didn't remember eating was a common occurrence.

A safe place meant I had permission to camp. Waiting with one eye open for the local police or sheriff to discover me was a  definite distraction. I did have a few police encounters without incident. I had permission, usually written that quickly satisfied the police.

I camped where it was not too public but not too private. Public enough people will notice me but not so public I bother people. Private enough to have peace and quiet but not private enough they won't find my body for a month. 

Animals didn't worry me but people are another thing. I do not carry a weapon other then some pepper spray for an aggressive dog but I have never needed it. If I find a place to camp where I need a gun to feel safe I keep riding until I find a place I won't need one. 

I am a great fan of the bluff so I love the fact that I could possibly be armed. Because of this deterrent people will think twice about screwing with some nomad on a bicycle. 

The difficulty of crossing international borders with a weapon, the confusing state laws and telling a policeman in the middle of the night that I have a gun would up the stress level. I'll stick with my standard of camping only when I have permission and my well honed bluffing skills.

I refuse to be afraid of the world. I do not blindly trust but any adventure has an element of risk, be it riding a bicycle across the country or to the local grocery store. In the past twenty years I have had my motel room robbed, was pick pocketed in Athens Greece and had my car broken into in San Francisco but every other day nothing happened.

Being at peace with the owner and operator of the universe is the main reason I sleep soundly. That nagging small voice once kept me awake but now no matter where I am I feel loved and safe. We live in a world that is evil and dangerous but the worse that can happen is my body can die, but like Snoopy says "...on all the other days, we will not". Living in worry, guilt and fear is barely living and in a way that is like dying a little everyday.

I'm like an old dog I sleep better in my safe place. Dogs think in terms of territory so their sleeping spots are important. If you ever watched an old dog arranging their bedding it may make no sense to you but it makes sense to the dog.

Humans have a similar ritual because having the right mattress, sheets, pillows, lighting, temperature, pajamas, no pajamas, music or total silence, are all personal choices. The most important thing is to organize the things going on in our heads. 

The "coulda shoulda woulda" voices were the worse. These need to be silenced before bed, they are with us all day but in silence they get louder and louder. Make a list and a plan, move forward to resolve the issue even if it's one small step, take immediate action or put it in perspective. 

I need things in order, I clean the kitchen, balance my check book, do a walk-through checking the windows and doors, burners on the stove, car locks and so on. I do a mental check called an AA tenth step, I take a personal inventory of my actions to see if I need to make an amends. At the same time I get my relationship with God into perspective. After I successfully do these things I can sleep like a baby.

Sleep aids can help on a redeye flight but finding your safe place, having a working action plan, your things in order, resolved resentments and guilt and being at peace with your creator is much much better.

This all takes time and yes sleeping was elusive for many years of my life. I now value sleep more then my bicycle or maybe olives if you know me well.

three hundred seventy four

IS JESUS A LIAR, LUNATIC OR LORD?

On March 31, 1980 I became a new Christian. I will admit in the beginning my faith was based on other people's faith. I heard how empty their lives had been, I heard what actions they took and I heard how full their lives are now. This was what I wanted because my life was a mess. At first it was emotional and exciting but I was told this type of faith is fleeting and fragile.

At 12:30 AM on that Monday I had stepped into the water, said the words I was told to say and enjoyed the rejoicing of my new church family. At first I thought I simply needed to be baptized, attend services regularly, pray with my eyes closed, read my Bible, take communion, sing, not smoke, drink in excess or swear. 

The Bible was hard to read and made no sense, I hate singing, I still smoked, swore a little and couldn't drink in moderation. The worst thing was I didn't understand why it was such a big deal that Jesus was killed on a cross. I was desperate to have my life fixed but I soon learned it wasn't that simple. The one thing I did have going for me was my hunger to learn. 

After I was baptized I knew I was different. The hypocrites I had judged became real people like me, my hate for them was turning into love. I began to see, hear and understand things that had always been right in front of me. My hunger for information grew but I didn't know where to start so I tried everything. 

Each day I stumbled through a chapter of my King James Bible in my car at lunch, listened to preachers and Christian music on the ride to and from work and wanted to talk about it with everyone. I soon found not everyone wants to talk about the big questions. Every time the church had a service, Bible study or activity, I was there asking questions. I know I drove people crazy but I had a hunger to learn like I had never had before.

I thought every church and church member were on the same page. As I talked with people from other congregations and denominations I found division, disagreement, tribalism and even hatred. I may have been naive in the beginning but I soon discovered I had a heart for healing these divisions. This has been a personal passion to find common ground and that common ground is Jesus. 

I felt I had been added to something much bigger then the name on the front of a church. When I read the book of Acts I could not see more then one church. The oldest, largest, fastest growing or most traditional meant nothing to me, perhaps I had been influenced by the Jesus movement from the early 70's. We were a rebellious and passionate generation so the approach I took to my faith was all in.

Tom Smith was a man that I gravitated to, he smoked, occasionally used swear words to make a point and knew he couldn't drink in moderation so he didn't. He served in the Navy, worked in a steel mill, only read King James, loved to debate and spoke in a way that made sense to me. Tom died way too soon but I know I will see him again but for now I miss him.

Tom taught me how to pray, question everything and not to sweat the small stuff. He spoke in simple words, enjoyed God's sense of humor, always had a grin on his face and danced when he was happy. I spent plenty of summer nights sitting with him outside watching the distant heat lightning and talking about life.

Tom knew how to explain things in a way I could understand. He boiled it all down to one simple question, who do you say Jesus is?

This t-shirt was popular in the 80's I had one and wore it often.  Today you can buy one on Ebay for $750, I should have bought a few more.

He said that is the one question that demands an answer. It was the question Jesus asked Peter, "Who do you say I am?" (Mathew 15). 

He said Jesus won't ask to see a membership card, baptismal certificate or hear a denominational creed. He will ask me that question and expect my answer, not just blindly parroting what a church, denomination or clergyman said. He told me I need to know what I believe and why I believe it. I needed to have my own answers.  

Over the decades I have found many Christians are loyal to a catechism, doctrine or a denominational brandname. It may be correct but we all are responsible to give an answer for our faith and hope. If our relationship with Jesus is personal, we will be different and when we are asked we need to know how to explain what has happened. Tom said he would always be there for me but I need to stand on my own. 

It took many years and the understanding of covenant to clearly realize what I had done. I read, listened and questioned everything. There were many times I could have signed on to follow a strong charismatic personality of which there are many, but I chose not to ever stop my quest for the truth and just settle. 

I am all in, I really want to know the truth so nothing can be off the table. I checked out the missing books of the Bible, all of the different translations and their reliability, other doctrines and the history of the church warts and all. I read anti Christian books, followed archeology, astronomy and the latest scientific discoveries. I examined other religions, evolution, Darwinism, atheism. I attended large city mega churches, small rural churches, bus ministries, men's groups, preaching, teaching and mission work.

I learned a lot about organized people. The same dynamics that effect any large or small organization be it business or political, church organizations have similar issues. I also found the world is not black and white, there is a great deal of gray especially in the Bible. I also realized I was responsible to navigate that gray using God's principles and my free will.

It is easy to attach ourselves to "group think" because using our free will puts us on the spot. We may form groups of people who believe the same thing but in a church each individual is responsible to know what they believe. 

After decades of investigation I discovered Tom was right. After all of the debate it all boils down to one haunting question; who is Jesus? There is no question that Jesus was a historical figure but who was he? Was he a great teacher, was he a conman, was he crazy or was he who he said he was? 

I have shared my answer before but this post is about challenging you to answer that question for yourself. First ask yourself if you want to know the truth. I know this is a hard question but it is the only question that matters. I can only share my answer, you have to answer it for yourself. Who is Jesus, a liar, lunatic or Lord?

Reject him as a conman, mock him as a fool or minimize him as a great teacher, but I believe Jesus is who he says he is. 

three hundred ninety two

TURTLES ARE CUTE...

....SOME TURTLES

When I was a kid we lived within walking distance of a small private lake. There was a small creek with plenty of frogs, crayfish, snakes and turtles. This was a perfect place for a boy to have some great adventures. 

I have an older brother who was an avid outdoorsman. He was the kid who could not only find critters but he could get them to eat out of his hand. After he moved out I inherited his traps. 

He did hunt but mostly he trapped muskrats for the pelts. He didn't teach me much about it because of our seven year age difference, I was his dumb little brother. I guess this is normal but sadly it's still the same even though we are both in out seventies.

I learned everything on my own by trial and error and became good at it. I know it is a gruesome activity but I did it as humanely as possible.

They resembled a large rat and I got up to $7 for a perfect pelt. They were used for elegant fur clothing but they labeled them "water mink" or "river mink", I guess a word with "rat" in it wasn't good for marketing. 

I quit using foot traps and expanded my trap line to around forty Conibear traps that are more humane. The bottom fell out of the fur market for some reason so I hung up my traps.

The muskrat population grew in spite of my small enterprise, they multiplied like rabbits. 

I ran turtle lines for a while because turtle meat was selling for $5 a pound because it is a Japanese delicacy. Turtle soup is also a redneck delicacy but most people caught their own. 

I had a great uncle who hunted snapping turtles. Turtles are cold blooded so if they are cold they can barely move. The ground temperature in Ohio is an average of 52 F and turtles stop moving at 45 F. They hibernate in the mud banks of streams and rivers. My uncle would reach up into the roots and mud feeling for sleeping turtles. 

He would pull them out bare handed and throw them up on the bank so I could put them in a burlap bag and hang it from a tree. They were all snapping turtles the meanest turtle I have ever seen. The warmer they get the faster they cam move. Watching one of these monsters run across a hot paved road will make you rethink the rabbit and turtle race.

They have long legs, long claws, a surprisingly long neck and a powerful beak. They can snap their beak in anger which gives them their name. You see people picking up turtles by the shell safely but not these creatures.  

I know this sounds brutal to todays more sensitive animal protein consumers. I have never enjoyed hunting but I have cut up plenty of wild game, mostly deer. Deer hunting had a short season so I could make some cash.

Fishing never interested me but living in trout country I have the time to give it a try. On my trips around the country and growing up in the country, I saw a lot of hunting and fishing. It is a sport I understand and see the need for but I don't enjoy hunting and I don't like the taste of wild game.

The business I was in for forty years involved the slaughter and production of animals. The average person has a naive understanding of meat production. They grieve when they find a dead sparrow but they consume an average of 100 pounds of chicken per year. 

Many cultures eat meat and a few do not. Telling people they must consume animal protein or wear leather is just as wrong as telling people they can't.

The best steak I have ever had was a rib eye at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. I cleaned up, put on my best behavior and was taken there by a special friend. This place had table cloths, real silverware and linen napkins. I can behave in public given the right motivation. 

Everything was a la carte, a baked potato was $9 and the steak was $45, that was twenty years ago. The food was as amazing as my company, I am grateful for such a luxurious gift.

Eat meat or wear leather but realize these animals were raised and processed by hard working people. Whether the animals were raised for food or they are from the wild always be grateful because they come from God.

Genesis 9:3 "Everything that lives and moves will be food....."

three hundred ninety three

 CAVE DWELLING

I'm by nature a cave dweller. In other words I'm an average guy with testosterone coursing through my veins. This makes me physically strong and aggressive with a need to defend, conquer and reproduce. 

I have a natural fight or flight instinct, a tough stoic exterior and a vigilant awareness of the danger around me.

There is a movement today to distort what it means to be a man. Over the decades young men and women have lost positive male roll models. Strong men of noble character who live by a code are rarely portrayed in a positive light. Personal responsibility, hard work, self sacrifice, chivalry, acts of courage, honoring an oath and an inflexible sense of right and wrong are no longer valued and often viewed as foolish and old fashioned. 

Many young men today have been raised in a world that ignores any need for this type of masculinity. Because of this many young men take the path of least resistance and remain feminized game playing little boys living in their parents basement. 

Fortunately I've been fully grown for a long time so I got the full dose of toxic masculinity. 

One characteristic of a cave dweller is their need to dwell in a cave. There are plenty of lava tube caves in central Oregon but not enough for everyone. Modern man has adjusted to utilizing garages, basements, spare rooms, campers, boats, motorcycles, lawn mowers, cars, trucks and the great outdoors.

These are places a man can completely relax. They can turn off their constant vigilance alarm because it is a safe place. They are in total control of the environment. The temperature, lighting, furnishings, cleanliness, media and etc. 

They may establish these private places under the guise of vital work or a hobby. The activity can be productive, fiddling or just hanging out.

Many men hide in their cave's from responsibility which is totally wrong but all men need a safe place to brood, think and relax, we do our best thinking there. We dream, make decisions or immerse ourselves in a hobby. 

If a woman wants to really know a man ask him if he would let her into his cave. If he does ask you in, sit quietly and look around. Do not offer suggestions or criticisms, he is showing you his most private and protected place. Honor this act of intimacy because this is more special then even he realizes. 

A wise woman will honor the privacy of a man's cave. Moving tools or snooping is a real violation. He may not say anything but trust me he feels violated and he may relocate his cave. 

I have heard women say "I always look through my husbands stuff, If he has nothing to hide it shouldn't matter." This can be true but if he is going to hide something he will just hide it somewhere else. Cave's are harmless, the vast majority of cave dwelling men it is no more then a place he feels safe.

The down side of this is isolation. Too much cave time can be bad for a relationship and the family. Preoccupation with a hobby will cause problems. Regular cave time is vital for a fully functioning hunter gatherer protector and lover man, but too much is too much, everyone must find that balance.

Another type of harmful isolation is being alone. Most men have a problem connecting with other cave dwellers. Being social today is easy to ignore. Other then the military, law enforcement and heavy industry men rarely share a life threatening situation. These experiences tend to bond men for life. Today joining a bowling or golf league, following a sports team or being a member of a men's social club does not come close to the same level of bonding. 

Most men find it difficult to make longterm friends. I admire men who have a close friendship and share a passion for a hobby, that has been the most difficult thing for me to do. I often think it is me but the older I get the more I see it is hard for most men. 

 

Hanging out with other men is difficult. Asking a guy out for a meal or coffee is sometimes awkward. Are you selling me something, do you need to borrow my truck or are you cruising me? Fortunately I am involved in a men's 12 step program. Asking another man out for coffee or a meal is very normal. 

There are meetings with women but they are distracting. Don't get me wrong, I have gained great wisdom from women but a room full of cave dwelling men meeting in a common cave has a powerful effect. Like the more dangerous occupations keeping each other sober is a matter of life and death.

It takes time for a new member to understand how special this is. The longtime members are comfortable sharing their deepest fears, shortcomings, secrets and insecurities along with their hopes, dreams and gratitude. The love in the room is spoken freely because we have grown to trust each other. Handshakes, hugs, tears and loving harassment are common, but the currency of honesty is more precious then gold. Sharing a common cave with other men helps us become better men. 

Sure there are other places men can meet for immature frat house behavior but that kind of behavior doesn't lead to good results. A softball league, bowling league or car club can build male relationships which is good but the nature of a men's AA meeting is different. It is a focused and serious scheduled hour of real conversation couched between wise cracks, loving insults and yes more serious conversation.

The point of this blog is to share my adventures. I found family in AA meetings along my journey. I also found other "normal" men to connect with. I'm pretty good at skipping the small talk and going for a real conversation. I have been told I have that skill. I credit this to over 30 years of AA meetings. 

The bicycle was always a great conversation starter and my years in retail and cab driving gave me the gift of gab. AA has given me an appetite for  meaningful conversations. Understanding that men are cave dwellers gave me an insight that was invaluable.

I know a lot about being a man because I am one. Women on the other hand are amazing and mysterious. Men are basic but women are wonderfully complex. I could write a lot of BS about what I have learned about women, but by the time I post, everything would have changed.

I look forward to continuing my adventures into places and people in my cave. Yes my bicycle is my mobile cave........