two hundred eighty eight

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(notice how we cool were back then)

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die

A time to plant, a time to reap

A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down

A time to dance, a time to mourn

A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate

A time of war, a time of peace

A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)

There is a season (turn, turn, turn)

And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose

A time to rend, a time to sew

A time for love, a time for hate

A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

The Byrds, a rock band from the sixties wrote these words. Turn Turn Turn was one of their biggest hits. 

I was surprised when I discovered these words were almost word for word from the Bible. This led me to read the entire book of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 in the Old Testament. 

These words and the logic of this book made so much sense they changed how I perceived the world. A time for everything and everything in its' time, kind of a Yin and a Yang thing. Lucky for the Byrds God isn't into suing for plagiarism.

I started to look at life this way way before I thought much about God. In those days I thought religion was something really gullible square people believed. Being good was simply paying the the premium for eternal fire insurance. Yeah, a pretty pathetic rationalization.

This led me to explore more of the Bible but this is where it all started. I found this principle later in life clarified in a simple prayer, the serenity prayer.

We give most of our attention to the Roman numerals on the front of an AA chip because it signifies the length of time we have abstained from alcohol. The back of every chip has the Serenity Prayer. This simple prayer captures the idea of a time for everything.

There are things I can't change and there are things I can. Living in linear time is a bitch, we can't see tomorrow and we can't change the past. All we can do is live as fully as possible in the moment we are in.

If I'm at work, I work. If I'm on vacation, I relax. If I am in bed, I sleep and so on. What I have drawn from this is we only have now. We can remember the moments before now and imagine, hope or fear the moments after now. 

We have no control over tomorrow, the only thing we do have any control over is now, but even that control is fleeting. Choices like yes or no, start or stop, up or down, in or out and right or left are physical choices. Physical choices are things I can do with my physical 3D person. 

 Emotional choices are much more elusive. My thoughts and emotions are not like moving a pile of physical rocks from one place to another. Thinking on these things has been a life long struggle for me. I found these rock n roll lyrics a great help. 

I realized I could not live in more than one moment and feel life fully. A constant state of looking backwards or forwards limited my ability to be present. The dark days of my addiction caused me to miss now completely and separate myself from feeling life altogether.

After years of sobriety I finally learned to see, hear and feel the very moment I am in. I don't always live there but I know how to get there. My life is an endless series of choices now.

Am I in the moment doing the next right thing as fully as I can? Am I enjoying or experiencing even the smallest things like the smell of my morning coffee, the beauty of new snow or the warmth of a hug or handshake?

A time for everything and everything in it's time, sounds simple doesn't it? A moving target to say the least but a worthy goal to live every moment of life as fully as possible.

I apologize this post is a bit rambling. I think about this every day, I guess that is what it is like living life without control. I have finally accepted the fact that I control very little beyond my own choices and I have grown to trust the one who truly is in control. That is a good thing, but sometimes I forget......a little.

I do have places to remind me like the seat of my bicycle but lately I have friends to remind me. I guess that is where I get "the wisdom to know the difference".

two hundred eighty seven

A quote from Jack Welch, a successful business man. 

I'm not as familiar with his quotes as I am Joe Walsh quotes but this fits my story.

Like the rest of the human race I hate change. I have discovered at 70 years of age it seems to become ever more disturbing. 

I'm retired but not as financially secure as I would like. I have enough to pay my bills but disposable money for travel, toys and helping others is important. 

I have a commercial drivers license for driving buses and trucks. Lately I have been driving a daily 300 mile round trip from Bend Oregon to Eugene Oregon.

Bend is 3650 feet above sea level and surrounded by snow capped mountains. Every trip to a major city requires a trip through a snow covered pass.

I took route 58 to Eugene and back. This route is filled with mountain curves and elevation changes. Most of the year this route is actually fun to drive. These large buses can be driven smoothly without jostling a sleeping passenger. 

This requires strategic braking and minimal steering input. Like a race car driver looks for that perfect lap, I try to have a perfect run. No leaning, smooth braking and as few bumps as possible. 

In the winter months the curves can be unpredictable. It can be 40 degrees in Bend and be 15 degrees in the mountains. Each mile requires my full focus because with these changing conditions any moisture can turn to ice at any moment. 

I'm a very cautious and skilled driver so driving in hazardous conditions didn't worry me. The problem is my vision has begun to change. I had a condition in my 50's that damaged my retinas that resulted in years later double vision. 

This was successfully corrected with glasses for many years. In the past six months I have had brief moments that told me I needed a new prescription. I found a specialist and spent a fortune on new glasses but my eyes had reached a point that I can't take a risk driving large vehicles through snow covered mountain passes with a load of passengers. 

My eyes are perfect for an eight hour run but the second and third days I begin to struggle. "Change before you have to." came to mind. If something ever happened because of my bullheaded pride I could never forgive myself.

I love driving big vehicles and enjoy passengers. Some regulars called me "mister smooth" and one lady said I was "efficient" instead of saying I speed. My goal is; don't scare them or make them sick and get them safely to their connections on time.

The bullheaded part of me is still focused on bicycle touring again but driving busses and trucks are now a thing of the past. I love transportation and interacting with people but I think I'll try something local. For now I'm going to hunker down enjoy the holidays and wait out the bad weather.

Change sucks but being made to change is much much much worse. Like I have said in previous posts I'm sober 31 years. I would not have made it 31 days if I was being told or forced however I did find it tolerable to take suggestions, I think it is something connected to my pride.

I can't leave without a Joe Walsh quote......

two hundred eighty six

FRANKIE

This is my coffee addict parrot. She is five years old and very very attached to me. In fact she is like a crazy jealous girl friend.