It's December 7, 2022 in Bend Oregon, a daily fresh covering of snow, houses decorated with thousands of lights and a dozen wild deer wander the neighborhood. Television, radio and the internet are flooded with the usual holiday sales and commercials.
This holiday season I have a few friends who have lost loved ones, a few who are entangled in legal and financial issues and a few who face life threatening disease. I also have a few friends who have excellent physical health, happy and healthy families, personal success, loving marriages and wealth.
It is not new that holidays turn up the volume on everything. If life is going well for a person, the holiday season should amplify their happiness but if their life is filled with problems, it should amplify their unhappiness. This seems logical but why do people with everything going for them suffer from the holiday blues? Why do people with every reason to be depressed experience amazing holiday cheer?
Wealthy or poor, blue or white collar, university or life educated, old or new money, young or old, religious or secular, most ethnic groups and lifestyles, they all shop for food or ride in a cab or bus. I had the perfect vantage point of an employee. During these unguarded moments they can completely ignore me, view me as a servant or see me as a person. None of these are right or wrong but it does reveal how they view strangers.
I enjoy people and I love to talk and at times I talk too much. I have learned some people just want to be left alone and some enjoy talking. This can be for many reasons, shyness, nervousness, snobbishness or they just want quiet. I understand this because I'm a grumpy shopper. I'm not in a bad mood I'm just quiet. I guess I still have flash backs from over 40 years of retail.
The one thing I've learned from the people who did interact was that everyone has problems. My first impression may lead me to assume they have their life together but in a short conversation they may soon reveal they suffer loneliness, grief, loss or fear.
The measuring game is a natural human pastime. We see another persons circumstances and assume they have it together. We all put on a front to look good. Some call this hypocrisy but I think it is projection. Negativity may be how we feel inside but there is a time and place to reveal this. Putting on a good front pretending to feel they way we want to feel is not what I call hypocrisy.
A therapist, AA meeting, coffee with a trusted friend or a no risk conversation with a cab driver can be a safe place to let this out.
There are generational differences, my generation is more stoic and private with our emotions and negative thoughts. Younger generations are more comfortable sharing every negative thought and feeling with the world on social media.
The question is this, do we get our feelings from our circumstances or from inside of us. Is it a spiritual thing, a perspective thing, a group thing or all three? I think it is all three.
Spiritually I get my joy from within.
Phil 4:7 "...and the peace and joy which transcends all understanding will guard our hearts and minds is in Christ Jesus".
This is something I can't explain but I can describe. Since March 31, 1980 I have had the presence of God in my heart and mind. I have been different from that moment. I have felt loneliness but I have never been alone, I have been sad but deep within there as always been joy. I forget or cover this up because I can be self centered but it has always been and will be there.
Perspective is a tool I use. In the middle of a self centered pity party I step back and take a look at the big picture. Where I'm looking seems so unimportant in the whole scheme of things once I remember what is important.
Pier pressure is powerful. If I hang out with negative people I'll be negative. If I hang out with positive people I tend to be more positive. Today negativity is everywhere. Turn on what they call news and the hate and negativity can overwhelm you. I get a five minute update on the media soap opera and shut it off. I then find a book on tape or a podcast to expand my knowledge. I avoid preachy movies, talk shows and award shows. I love sports but I'm only following Formula One racing because of all of the woke politics in every other sport.
(I would follow World Cup Soccer but what's the point if the game can end in a tie?)
The Holiday season has become commercialized, secularized and now politicized but we have a choice as to how we celebrate it. No matter your spiritual beliefs the holidays are about people not stuff. Take that moment to look at a stranger and genuinely say hello and take an extra second to look at them. We all yearn to be seen and heard by another person, it just takes someone to make the first move.
