"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....."Charles Dickens
I was in the grocery business for about forty years. I have seen first hand the stress of shoppers as they plan that perfect holiday family event.
The meal will be perfect, the children will be cute, grateful and well behaved. No arguments about religion or politics. The only conversations are about fun family memories, love for one another and gratitude for being together in this special season.
No off handed comments, dirty looks, sarcastic remarks or cold shoulders. The weather will be perfect, planes will arrive on time, traffic will be light and the Cowboys/Lions game will actually be exciting.
Aunt Milly won't fart and talk about her cats and Uncle Billy won't play with the children too much or get too drunk.
Odds are that is NOT going to happen. All of the perfect families are in sitcoms, commercials and movies made before 1960. These families are not real but they do tap into a very basic desire for belonging.
The media has cashed in on this by producing Cheers, Friends, Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, The Simpsons and my all time favorite Malcom In The Middle (I'm Reese). The characters are an odd dysfunctional bunch but all of these plus fifty more are designed to draw on our yearning to belong to some sort of family or group.
Malcom In The Middle
This theme has been around for a very long time. Today however it is popular to tear down these families to make them as messed up and divided as we are.
You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends. Even this approach has a basis in fantasy. Humans are complicated individuals, they do not mold their personalities and behavior to our will. All groups have the dynamics of barn yard animals, children on the school yard or drunks in a bar.
A big family has limited privacy, endless expectations, unsolicited judgments and are always in your business. On the other hand you belong for better or worse.
The Big Fat Greek Wedding
This can be as basic as strength in numbers, a place to go if things go bad, siblings to pick on you and protect you. You have an identity, roots, a name and stability. There are however families so toxic that the negatives out weigh the benefits.
You can avoid the stress of an intrusive family by being a loner. This has the benefits of freedom. No one is in your business, you are free of demands for your time and you have the freedom to do whatever you want.
This works well most of the year but when the holidays come around the media is relentless in making us feel like freaks if we don't have a perfect family experience.
The music, sitcoms, holiday specials, decorations and endless marketing. Early Black Friday shopping on Thanksgiving day. The neighborhood peer pressure to put up a tree and cover the house with the latest toxic plastic blinking decorations from China via Walmart.
Sometime during this we have a weak moment to question our choices. Should I have a family around me or spend the day eating junk food binge watching a Twilight Zone marathon while fondling my holiday balls.
I am that loner and yes I have the same pangs of heart ache but year after year I have expanded my circle. Perhaps one day I'll have that perfect holiday experience but until then I'm happy doing what I do.
I have some money for food, a warm place to sleep and I'm not wanted by the police, life is good. I learned that on my bicycle.
Another thing I learned is to say yes when I am invited. When people invite me into their home I feel honored to be part of this special time.
