two hundred eighty five

  

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....."Charles Dickens

I was in the grocery business for about forty years. I have seen first hand the stress of shoppers as they plan that perfect holiday family event. 

The meal will be perfect, the children will be cute, grateful and well behaved. No arguments about religion or politics. The only conversations are about fun family memories, love for one another and gratitude for being together in this special season. 

No off handed comments, dirty looks, sarcastic remarks or cold shoulders. The weather will be perfect, planes will arrive on time, traffic will be light and the Cowboys/Lions game will actually be exciting. 

Aunt Milly won't fart and talk about her cats and Uncle Billy won't play with the children too much or get too drunk. 

Odds are that is NOT going to happen. All of the perfect families are in sitcoms, commercials and movies made before 1960. These families are  not real but they do tap into a very basic desire for belonging.

The media has cashed in on this by producing Cheers, Friends, Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, The Simpsons and my all time favorite Malcom In The Middle (I'm Reese). The characters are an odd dysfunctional bunch but all of these plus fifty more are designed to draw on our yearning to belong to some sort of family or group.

Malcom In The Middle

This theme has been around for a very long time. Today however it is popular to tear down these families to make them as messed up and divided as we are.

You can't choose your family but you can choose your friends. Even this approach has a basis in fantasy. Humans are complicated individuals, they do not mold their personalities and behavior to our will. All groups have the dynamics of barn yard animals, children on the school yard or drunks in a bar.

A big family has limited privacy, endless expectations, unsolicited judgments and are always in your business. On the other hand you belong for better or worse. 

The Big Fat Greek Wedding

This can be as basic as strength in numbers, a place to go if things go bad, siblings to pick on you and protect you. You have an identity, roots, a name and stability. There are however families so toxic that the negatives out weigh the benefits.

You can avoid the stress of an intrusive family by being a loner. This has the benefits of freedom. No one is in your business, you are free of demands for your time and you have the freedom to do whatever you want. 

This works well most of the year but when the holidays come around the media is relentless in making us feel like freaks if we don't have a perfect family experience.

The music, sitcoms, holiday specials, decorations and endless marketing. Early Black Friday shopping on Thanksgiving day. The neighborhood peer pressure to put up a tree and cover the house with the latest toxic plastic blinking decorations from China via Walmart.

Sometime during this we have a weak moment to question our choices.  Should I have a family around me or spend the day eating junk food binge watching a Twilight Zone marathon while fondling my holiday balls.

I am that loner and yes I have the same pangs of heart ache but year after year I have expanded my circle. Perhaps one day I'll have that perfect holiday experience but until then I'm happy doing what I do.

I have some money for food, a warm place to sleep and I'm not wanted by the police, life is good. I learned that on my bicycle.

Another thing I learned is to say yes when I am invited. When people invite me into their home I feel honored to be part of this special time.

two hundred eighty four

THE PROS AND CONS OF TRAVELING ALONE

The tandem bike in the picture looks like absolute touring hell to me. I have traveled and camped with tandem riders it does have many advantages but not for me.

I have been trying to find a like minded companion to share my next adventure. I have contacted a few but nothing more then light conversation. I hate to admit for safety alone it is a smart thing to do. 

The one Pro of traveling alone is the absolute freedom to do anything I want. I can ride less or more, camp or get a cheap motel, cook my own food or eat in a restaurant but mostly I can change my plans anytime I want. 

The theme of my style of traveling is "Wherever I end up I guess". I build my rig to deal with just about anything. Heat, cold or rain, enough food for three days, two gallons of water plus a filter and a tent, bedding and clothing to deal with any condition. 

Electronics and battery power for a full week of off grid entertainment, communication and emergencies.  I have tools for bike repair, three extra tubes and enough parts to repair my bike and gear. 

I'm completely self contained to stay comfortably off grid for at least three days until I need more food or water. After that I have a good water filter and at least five emergency dehydrated meals. I can stay in touch and send for help from anywhere on the planet with my InReach satellite communicator. 

I love being off of the beaten path. The main bike touring routes up and down the coast lines are not crowded but you see a fellow rider a few times a week. I love camping with a group of fellow nomads but the loner heart beats strong inside me so I rarely travel with a group for more than a day or two.

The bottom line is I go at my own pace, stop and start when I want and follow any twist or turn of the adventure. If I visit a friend I can stay or go depending on how welcome I feel. I don't get lonely or bored, I'm social with strangers and love taking any side adventure that comes along. 

The Cons of traveling alone is not having someone to watch my rig while I'm shopping or taking a long relaxed visit to a public bathroom.  I don't have an extra set of eyes or hands. Strength in numbers can help  not looking like a victim. The idea of one older man traveling alone doesn't concern me physically but health issues are a reality to be aware of.

I have talked with several father and son travelers. I didn't have that opportunity but that would be amazing.

I am chief cook and clean up. I set up my own camp, cook what I like, break camp and repack my gear exactly the way I like it. When I'm in the traveling mode that is what makes me happy. I have no problem helping but my stuff is my stuff.

An extra set of eyes and ears is nice but an extra mind is both good and annoying. A second opinion is nice if I have the first opinion. I'm easy to get along with but the very nature of solo touring is the absolute freedom.

The appeal is possibly the total lack of responsibility to and for others. I was a manager for several decades. I was responsible for managing the people under my charge.  

They were required to perform specific duties and I was responsible to hold them accountable. I was constantly slave to code dates, schematics, ordering, scheduling, customer complaints and profitability. It was not an overwhelming job and at times I miss it but it always controlled a part of my thoughts, on or off duty. 

I am by nature a go with the flow kind of guy. I have a management personality and an off work personality. Off duty I can dig my heels in to get what I want but what I eat, what I watch, where I go or what I do is a low priority. I will defer to others if it is important to them. I am not a wimp it just doesn't matter.

I have learned to take on my share of responsibility in these decisions. It isn't fair to put the burden of making all of the decisions on another person. I actually do not care or complain about everyday things. I don't pout or make passive aggressive comments. Ninety percent of everyday things are not a hill to die on.

Over time if I do have a specific choice people that know me and know how strong willed I actually am will understand that whatever it is is very important to me. I do not do this often so people pay attention.

Choosing a traveling companion is a bit different. These things matter when I am in full nomad mode. When I am in this mode what I do is very important to me. 

I am free to explore, take my time or hammer until I'm totally exhausted. I don't want a sherpa or passive person and certainly not a bully or a smart ass passive aggressive winer. I have searched for a fellow loner to travel with for safety. I'm not sure how that will work but I put it out there. 

In my life I have only found one person I fit perfectly, this is incredibly rare but they don't have any interest in touring. Sometimes opposite natures fit together so perfectly there is very little space. I'm very strong willed so bending my nature to make another worthy person's life easier takes someone very special.

I want to find someone who is likeminded. Keeping that freedom and enhancing safety is the trick. I believe it is a workable thing. I believe two able bodied nomads who can be just fine on their own can find a workable arrangement. 

I'll continue my search I'm sure there are others searching for something similar.