three hundred seventy six

MY UNLIKELY BIBLE HEROES 


THOMAS NEEDED PROOF


JOHN THE BAPTIST HAD DOUBTS


PETER DENIED


PAUL PERSECUTED CHRISTIANS

Four of the many flawed men God chose to do great things. 

I first thought the men an women of the Bible had special super powers. I assumed if they had spent time with Jesus, witnessed his miracles and heard his words, how could they possibly doubt and deny him? As I learned more I found these were all just regular people. 

I have lived enough life to realize bravery is an extremely rare trait. Very few people will actually step up and risk their physical safety, their wealth or their reputations. Today our lives are relatively safe and easy. It is hard to understand how things were back then but this doesn't stop us from judging their actions. 

I think a lot about bravery and honor. I love any story about physical bravery, ethical bravery or someone keeping an oath or promise at all cost. Unfortunately our modern culture has lost something. Selfishness, fear, embarrassment, rationalization, narcissism and victimhood have eroded the respect for these selfless acts. 

I love to watch royal knights prove their loyalty to the thrown, soldiers brave danger to protect our freedoms or gun fighters turned lawman risking their lives to protect defenseless citizens. I then quietly ask myself if I have what it takes to be that selfless and brave.

As I studied more about these Bible heroes I found they had moments of greatness but they also had moments of weakness and failure. This is one of the reasons I am convinced the Bible is God inspired because men would not document these failures of character. They would craft a better story and "spin" like our modern politicians. 

From the beginning Jesus and his followers have been slandered and persecuted. Today the main line of attack is to point out hypocrisy. Throughout our media I hear jokes and criticism of Christians because they have character flaws. They build a straw man by saying Christians claim they are perfect then point out their humanity. Portraying Christians as judgmental uninformed hypocrites is the main way they discredit their message. 

In reality being a Christian does not make us immune to temptation and failure, this leaves us open to the perceived charge of hypocrisy. Because of this many Christians make an attempt to rationalize and hide their shortcomings. They attempt to present a perfect saintly image, but like the heroes of the Bible we have no super powers. We can fool ourselves and the world around us but inevitably our flaws are revealed. What matters is what we do with these moments of doubt, cowardice and pride. 

These four Bible heroes took corrective action. When they had a doubt they asked for proof, when they acted cowardly they asked forgiveness and when they were prideful they were open to being humbled. Doing nothing when we fail is always the wrong answer. 

Each man was given proof, forgiveness and correction. Ironically each man was strengthened by their experience. If we take action we too can become stronger in spite of our own times of failure. Wasting time hiding and denying is destructive because we will eventually drift away and believe our own lies. If we continue to fool ourselves we will inevitably lose our connection with God.

I find comfort through these flawed men and I realize their strength comes through their weakness. Their dependance on God is strengthened which in a way became their super power. Being open, honest and willing is a large part but accepting our own powerlessness is the key. 

Each of these examples had an amazing result. Thomas became a fearless witness, John the Baptist met his executioner reassured, Peter was freed of shame to launch the church and Paul was put on the right path to proclaim the truth about Jesus. 

I have taken many paths through my life, doubt, uncertainty, shame and pride have broken my connection with Jesus. Sometimes it was only moments but sometimes it was years. My story does have one constant, I eventually asked. Jesus has always reacted with me the same way he reacted with these great men. 

No matter how far you have fallen being honest and asking for help is the answer.

three hundred seventy five

 It's simple, just lay down, go to sleep and stay asleep.


WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT?

I had very little trouble sleeping when I was on my bicycle trips. Once I found a safe place to camp I was so exhausted all I had to do was crawl in my tent, closed my eyes and I was out for the night.

Occasionally I did some nocturnal eating because of my bodies craving for calories. Waking up surrounded by Pop-Tart wrappers or an empty jar of peanut butter I didn't remember eating was a common occurrence.

A safe place meant I had permission to camp. Waiting with one eye open for the local police or sheriff to discover me was a  definite distraction. I did have a few police encounters without incident. I had permission, usually written that quickly satisfied the police.

I camped where it was not too public but not too private. Public enough people will notice me but not so public I bother people. Private enough to have peace and quiet but not private enough they won't find my body for a month. 

Animals didn't worry me but people are another thing. I do not carry a weapon other then some pepper spray for an aggressive dog but I have never needed it. If I find a place to camp where I need a gun to feel safe I keep riding until I find a place I won't need one. 

I am a great fan of the bluff so I love the fact that I could possibly be armed. Because of this deterrent people will think twice about screwing with some nomad on a bicycle. 

The difficulty of crossing international borders with a weapon, the confusing state laws and telling a policeman in the middle of the night that I have a gun would up the stress level. I'll stick with my standard of camping only when I have permission and my well honed bluffing skills.

I refuse to be afraid of the world. I do not blindly trust but any adventure has an element of risk, be it riding a bicycle across the country or to the local grocery store. In the past twenty years I have had my motel room robbed, was pick pocketed in Athens Greece and had my car broken into in San Francisco but every other day nothing happened.


Being at peace with the owner and operator of the universe is the main reason I sleep soundly. That nagging small voice once kept me awake but now no matter where I am I feel loved and safe. We live in a world that is evil and dangerous but the worse that can happen is my body can die, but like Snoopy says "...on all the other days, we will not". Living in worry, guilt and fear is barely living and in a way that is like dying a little everyday.

I'm like an old dog I sleep better in my safe place. Dogs think in terms of territory so their sleeping spots are important. If you ever watched an old dog arranging their bedding it may make no sense to you but it makes sense to the dog.


Humans have a similar ritual because having the right mattress, sheets, pillows, lighting, temperature, pajamas, no pajamas, music or total silence, are all personal choices. The most important thing is to organize the things going on in our heads. 


The "coulda shoulda woulda" voices were the worse. These need to be silenced before bed, they are with us all day but in silence they get louder and louder. Make a list and a plan, move forward to resolve the issue even if it's one small step, take immediate action or put it in perspective. 

I need things in order, I clean the kitchen, balance my check book, do a walk-through checking the windows and doors, burners on the stove, car locks and so on. I do a mental check called an AA tenth step, I take a personal inventory of my actions to see if I need to make an amends. At the same time I get my relationship with God into perspective. After I successfully do these things I can sleep like a baby.

Sleep aids can help on a redeye flight but finding your safe place, having a working action plan, your things in order, resolved resentments and guilt and being at peace with your creator is much much better.

This all takes time and yes sleeping was elusive for many years of my life. I now value sleep more then my bicycle or maybe olives if you know me well.

three hundred seventy four

IS JESUS A LIAR, LUNATIC OR LORD?


On March 31, 1980 I became a new Christian. I will admit in the beginning my faith was based on other people's faith. I heard how empty their lives had been, I heard what actions they took and I heard how full their lives are now. This was what I wanted because my life was a mess. At first it was emotional and exciting but I was told this type of faith is fleeting and fragile.

At 12:30 AM on that Monday I had stepped into the water, said the words I was told to say and enjoyed the rejoicing of my new church family. At first I thought I simply needed to be baptized, attend services regularly, pray with my eyes closed, read my Bible, take communion, sing, not smoke, drink in excess or swear. 

The Bible was hard to read and made no sense, I hate singing, I still smoked, swore a little and couldn't drink in moderation. The worst thing was I didn't understand why it was such a big deal that Jesus was killed on a cross. I was desperate to have my life fixed but I soon learned it wasn't that simple. The one thing I did have going for me was my hunger to learn. 

After I was baptized I knew I was different. The hypocrites I had judged became real people like me, my hate for them was turning into love. I began to see, hear and understand things that had always been right in front of me. My hunger for information grew but I didn't know where to start so I tried everything. 

Each day I stumbled through a chapter of my King James Bible in my car at lunch, listened to preachers and Christian music on the ride to and from work and wanted to talk about it with everyone. I soon found not everyone wants to talk about the big questions. Every time the church had a service, Bible study or activity, I was there asking questions. I know I drove people crazy but I had a hunger to learn like I had never had before.

I thought every church and church member were on the same page. As I talked with people from other congregations and denominations I found division, disagreement, tribalism and even hatred. I may have been naive in the beginning but I soon discovered I had a heart for healing these divisions. This has been a personal passion to find common ground and that common ground is Jesus. 

I felt I had been added to something much bigger then the name on the front of a church. When I read the book of Acts I could not see more then one church. The oldest, largest, fastest growing or most traditional meant nothing to me, perhaps I had been influenced by the Jesus movement from the early 70's. We were a rebellious and passionate generation so the approach I took to my faith was all in.

Tom Smith was a man that I gravitated to, he smoked, occasionally used swear words to make a point and knew he couldn't drink in moderation so he didn't. He served in the Navy, worked in a steel mill, only read King James, loved to debate and spoke in a way that made sense to me. Tom died way too soon but I know I will see him again but for now I miss him.

Tom taught me how to pray, question everything and not to sweat the small stuff. He spoke in simple words, enjoyed God's sense of humor, always had a grin on his face and danced when he was happy. I spent plenty of summer nights sitting with him outside watching the distant heat lightning and talking about life.

Tom knew how to explain things in a way I could understand. He boiled it all down to one simple question, who do you say Jesus is?


This t-shirt was popular in the 80's I had one and wore it often.  Today you can buy one on Ebay for $750, I should have bought a few more.

He said that is the one question that demands an answer. It was the question Jesus asked Peter, "Who do you say I am?" (Mathew 15). 

He said Jesus won't ask to see a membership card, baptismal certificate or hear a denominational creed. He will ask me that question and expect my answer, not just blindly parroting what a church, denomination or clergyman said. He told me I need to know what I believe and why I believe it. I needed to have my own answers.  

Over the decades I have found many Christians are loyal to a catechism, doctrine or a denominational brandname. It may be correct but we all are responsible to give an answer for our faith and hope. If our relationship with Jesus is personal, we will be different and when we are asked we need to know how to explain what has happened. Tom said he would always be there for me but I need to stand on my own. 

It took many years and the understanding of covenant to clearly realize what I had done. I read, listened and questioned everything. There were many times I could have signed on to follow a strong charismatic personality of which there are many, but I chose not to ever stop my quest for the truth and just settle. 

I am all in, I really want to know the truth so nothing can be off the table. I checked out the missing books of the Bible, all of the different translations and their reliability, other doctrines and the history of the church warts and all. I read anti Christian books, followed archeology, astronomy and the latest scientific discoveries. I examined other religions, evolution, Darwinism, atheism. I attended large city mega churches, small rural churches, bus ministries, men's groups, preaching, teaching and mission work.

I learned a lot about organized people. The same dynamics that effect any large or small organization be it business or political, church organizations have similar issues. I also found the world is not black and white, there is a great deal of gray especially in the Bible. I also realized I was responsible to navigate that gray using God's principles and my free will.

It is easy to attach ourselves to "group think" because using our free will puts us on the spot. We may form groups of people who believe the same thing but in a church each individual is responsible to know what they believe. 

After decades of investigation I discovered Tom was right. After all of the debate it all boils down to one haunting question; who is Jesus? There is no question that Jesus was a historical figure but who was he? Was he a great teacher, was he a conman, was he crazy or was he who he said he was? 

I have shared my answer before but this post is about challenging you to answer that question for yourself. First ask yourself if you want to know the truth. I know this is a hard question but it is the only question that matters. I can only share my answer, you have to answer it for yourself. Who is Jesus, a liar, lunatic or Lord?

Reject him as a conman, mock him as a fool or minimize him as a great teacher, but I believe Jesus is who he says he is. 

three hundred ninety two


TURTLES ARE CUTE...


....SOME TURTLES

When I was a kid we lived within walking distance of a small private lake. There was a small creek with plenty of frogs, crayfish, snakes and turtles. This was a perfect place for a boy to have some great adventures. 

I have an older brother who was an avid outdoorsman. He was the kid who could not only find critters but he could get them to eat out of his hand. After he moved out I inherited his traps. 

He did hunt but mostly he trapped muskrats for the pelts. He didn't teach me much about it because of our seven year age difference, I was his dumb little brother. I guess this is normal but sadly it's still the same even though we are both in out seventies.

I learned everything on my own by trial and error and became good at it. I know it is a gruesome activity but I did it as humanely as possible.


They resembled a large rat and I got up to $7 for a perfect pelt. They were used for elegant fur clothing but they labeled them "water mink" or "river mink", I guess a word with "rat" in it wasn't good for marketing. 

I quit using foot traps and expanded my trap line to around forty Conibear traps that are more humane. The bottom fell out of the fur market for some reason so I hung up my traps.


The muskrat population grew in spite of my small enterprise, they multiplied like rabbits. 

I ran turtle lines for a while because turtle meat was selling for $5 a pound because it is a Japanese delicacy. Turtle soup is also a redneck delicacy but most people caught their own. 

I had a great uncle who hunted snapping turtles. Turtles are cold blooded so if they are cold they can barely move. The ground temperature in Ohio is an average of 52 F and turtles stop moving at 45 F. They hibernate in the mud banks of streams and rivers. My uncle would reach up into the roots and mud feeling for sleeping turtles. 

He would pull them out bare handed and throw them up on the bank so I could put them in a burlap bag and hang it from a tree. They were all snapping turtles the meanest turtle I have ever seen. The warmer they get the faster they cam move. Watching one of these monsters run across a hot paved road will make you rethink the rabbit and turtle race.

They have long legs, long claws, a surprisingly long neck and a powerful beak. They can snap their beak in anger which gives them their name. You see people picking up turtles by the shell safely but not these creatures.  




I know this sounds brutal to todays more sensitive animal protein consumers. I have never enjoyed hunting but I have cut up plenty of wild game, mostly deer. Deer hunting had a short season so I could make some cash.

Fishing never interested me but living in trout country I have the time to give it a try. On my trips around the country and growing up in the country, I saw a lot of hunting and fishing. It is a sport I understand and see the need for but I don't enjoy hunting and I don't like the taste of wild game.

The business I was in for forty years involved the slaughter and production of animals. The average person has a naive understanding of meat production. They grieve when they find a dead sparrow but they consume an average of 100 pounds of chicken per year. 

Many cultures eat meat and a few do not. Telling people they must consume animal protein or wear leather is just as wrong as telling people they can't.


The best steak I have ever had was a rib eye at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. I cleaned up, put on my best behavior and was taken there by a special friend. This place had table cloths, real silverware and linen napkins. I can behave in public given the right motivation. 

Everything was a la carte, a baked potato was $9 and the steak was $45, that was twenty years ago. The food was as amazing as my company, I am grateful for such a luxurious gift.



Eat meat or wear leather but realize these animals were raised and processed by hard working people. Whether the animals were raised for food or they are from the wild always be grateful because they come from God.

Genesis 9:3 "Everything that lives and moves will be food....."

three hundred ninety three

 CAVE DWELLING

I'm by nature a cave dweller. In other words I'm an average guy with testosterone coursing through my veins. This makes me physically strong and aggressive with a need to defend, conquer and reproduce. 

I have a natural fight or flight instinct, a tough stoic exterior and a vigilant awareness of the danger around me.

There is a movement today to distort what it means to be a man. Over the decades young men and women have lost positive male roll models. Strong men of noble character who live by a code are rarely portrayed in a positive light. Personal responsibility, hard work, self sacrifice, chivalry, acts of courage, honoring an oath and an inflexible sense of right and wrong are no longer valued and often viewed as foolish and old fashioned. 

Many young men today have been raised in a world that ignores any need for this type of masculinity. Because of this many young men take the path of least resistance and remain feminized game playing little boys living in their parents basement. 

Fortunately I've been fully grown for a long time so I got the full dose of toxic masculinity. 

One characteristic of a cave dweller is their need to dwell in a cave. There are plenty of lava tube caves in central Oregon but not enough for everyone. Modern man has adjusted to utilizing garages, basements, spare rooms, campers, boats, motorcycles, lawn mowers, cars, trucks and the great outdoors.


These are places a man can completely relax. They can turn off their constant vigilance alarm because it is a safe place. They are in total control of the environment. The temperature, lighting, furnishings, cleanliness, media and etc. 

They may establish these private places under the guise of vital work or a hobby. The activity can be productive, fiddling or just hanging out.

Many men hide in their cave's from responsibility which is totally wrong but all men need a safe place to brood, think and relax, we do our best thinking there. We dream, make decisions or immerse ourselves in a hobby. 

If a woman wants to really know a man ask him if he would let her into his cave. If he does ask you in, sit quietly and look around. Do not offer suggestions or criticisms, he is showing you his most private and protected place. Honor this act of intimacy because this is more special then even he realizes. 

A wise woman will honor the privacy of a man's cave. Moving tools or snooping is a real violation. He may not say anything but trust me he feels violated and he may relocate his cave. 

I have heard women say "I always look through my husbands stuff, If he has nothing to hide it shouldn't matter." This can be true but if he is going to hide something he will just hide it somewhere else. Cave's are harmless, the vast majority of cave dwelling men it is no more then a place he feels safe.

The down side of this is isolation. Too much cave time can be bad for a relationship and the family. Preoccupation with a hobby will cause problems. Regular cave time is vital for a fully functioning hunter gatherer protector and lover man, but too much is too much, everyone must find that balance.

Another type of harmful isolation is being alone. Most men have a problem connecting with other cave dwellers. Being social today is easy to ignore. Other then the military, law enforcement and heavy industry men rarely share a life threatening situation. These experiences tend to bond men for life. Today joining a bowling or golf league, following a sports team or being a member of a men's social club does not come close to the same level of bonding. 

Most men find it difficult to make longterm friends. I admire men who have a close friendship and share a passion for a hobby, that has been the most difficult thing for me to do. I often think it is me but the older I get the more I see it is hard for most men. 
 

Hanging out with other men is difficult. Asking a guy out for a meal or coffee is sometimes awkward. Are you selling me something, do you need to borrow my truck or are you cruising me? Fortunately I am involved in a men's 12 step program. Asking another man out for coffee or a meal is very normal. 

There are meetings with women but they are distracting. Don't get me wrong, I have gained great wisdom from women but a room full of cave dwelling men meeting in a common cave has a powerful effect. Like the more dangerous occupations keeping each other sober is a matter of life and death.

It takes time for a new member to understand how special this is. The longtime members are comfortable sharing their deepest fears, shortcomings, secrets and insecurities along with their hopes, dreams and gratitude. The love in the room is spoken freely because we have grown to trust each other. Handshakes, hugs, tears and loving harassment are common, but the currency of honesty is more precious then gold. Sharing a common cave with other men helps us become better men. 

Sure there are other places men can meet for immature frat house behavior but that kind of behavior doesn't lead to good results. A softball league, bowling league or car club can build male relationships which is good but the nature of a men's AA meeting is different. It is a focused and serious scheduled hour of real conversation couched between wise cracks, loving insults and yes more serious conversation.

The point of this blog is to share my adventures. I found family in AA meetings along my journey. I also found other "normal" men to connect with. I'm pretty good at skipping the small talk and going for a real conversation. I have been told I have that skill. I credit this to over 30 years of AA meetings. 

The bicycle was always a great conversation starter and my years in retail and cab driving gave me the gift of gab. AA has given me an appetite for  meaningful conversations. Understanding that men are cave dwellers gave me an insight that was invaluable.

I know a lot about being a man because I am one. Women on the other hand are amazing and mysterious. Men are basic but women are wonderfully complex. I could write a lot of BS about what I have learned about women, but by the time I post, everything would have changed.

I look forward to continuing my adventures into places and people in my cave. Yes my bicycle is my mobile cave........

three hundred seventy three

 WHERE ARE THE VOICES OF REASON?

Words of division, hatred and panic have dominated our media for decades. Television, social media, podcasts, radio and print media spew a constant stream of gloom and doom hair on fire alarmism.


Through-out our nations history we have had leaders who understood the mood of the people. I don't know if it is bad polling, the Twitter mob, shadow government or they just don't care. Today the mood of the people is just a line in a speech.

Great leaders in the past were the calming voice. They actually cared about the average citizen, their fears, hopes and dreams. They took time out of politics and told us the truth, good or bad. They tried to build and heal not divide and destroy. These men have made their mark on history because of this. Our leaders today build their legacies on sand, over time they will only be remembered for their destruction.

Every politician, media outlet, corporation or so called environmental or human rights organization blames, divides and stirs hatred. No voice of reason is immune from attack. Slander, censorship and physical threats quickly silence or discredit them. 

The only thing that will change is is a public willing to put down their smart phones, open their ears, hearts and minds to hear the truth. So far each calming voice that has gained an audience has been destroyed or discredited. 


The truth can be hard to hear and hard to discern. The constant bragging and blaming combined with spin, distortion and out right lies it is hard to know what is true. 

Numbing common sense has been an effective tool. Relying on facts not feelings had been made more difficult but not impossible. Discerning the truth is a skill that requires and open mind and effort.

The easier and softer way is not new, throughout history distracting the masses with bread and circus was effective. Today it comes in the form of a smart phone and a transfer check.

The voices are out there but I wish they were coming from our leaders,   but for now the voices of division are in charge. The only thing we can do is seek out the voices of reason and listen. They will be attacked but there are more of us. Our founders talked about natural law and made many references to it in our founding documents. I simply call it common sense. I believe we can handle the truth.

----UPDATE--- 

LINK

Finally, a voice of reason.

Tucker Carlson has been on my radar for many years. I do not watch television news but I occasionally watch interviews and a few commentaries. If the hair on fire media and politicians are screaming I look at the source of their feigned outrage. Tucker talks about forbidden issues and encourages debate. 

I do not always agree with him but I often do. One thing for certain he makes you think. His firing followed by a wave of slander shows how toxic and useless our so called free speech media and political hacks really are. It started with Infowars and now maybe others will see what is happening.

He was not angry, he was hopeful. Many look for hidden messages in what he said, I just think he was giving a clear but hopeful look at where we are. He was a refreshing voice of reason.

three hundred seventy two

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!!


Meghan, LeBron, Oprah and Michelle are oppressed. 

High doses of estrogen or testosterone are safe.

You can understand the Bible without reading it.

Life without parole means life without parole.

The strategic oil reserve is for emergencies.

Only biologists can define what a woman is.

Electric cars are't made with fossil fuel.

The laptop was Russian disinformation.

NYC robot "Digidogs" are no big deal.

Burning and looting are peaceful.

Government spends money wisely.

The vaccine stopped the spread.

East Palestine water is safe.

We have freedom of speech.

Police stop home invasions.

Gun free zone signs work.

Minorities don't have ID.

The economy is thriving.

Elections are perfect.

Criminals obey laws.

The border is closed.

Cloth masks work.

Corn Pop is real.

Justice is blind.

Crime is low. 

...and monkeys fly out of my butt.

Disagree with any of these and you are a bigot, racist, denier, extremist, hater, radical, wing nut, insurrectionist, anti-democracy, terrorist, violent, spreader of misinformation, blood on your hands, uncaring, homophobe, murderer, liar, xenophobe, islamophobe, conspiracist and fool.

Other then that you are free to express yourself. God bless America, but only use the God word inside your church building, on Sunday morning between 10 and 12.

I hope I'm not banned for being mean to monkeys.

three hundred seventy one

 NEW PART FOR MY BICYCLE


Spring has sprung in central Oregon.......well spring-ish.

I ordered a new stem for my bicycle, for a less aggressive position because I'm not as flexible as I once was. The bicycle trip dream is still alive. At 71 I can expect a few issues but nothing to derail my dream.

I had a little health scare. A little buildup in my heart plumbing so I had several tests. The stress test went well so I can be as active as I want to be. I'm eating better, losing weight and doing plenty of walking, the new knee is working perfectly. 

Most of my symptoms are in my head so I'm trying to avoid stress. Stress has been a factor in my health for many years so I have learned to rely on the serenity prayer daily. 

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I could care less about the royal family, opinion polls, the View, AOC, the latest Trump "bombshell" or anything John Steward thinks. The world is in turmoil so I focus more on world events. 

Most of the news is in the category of "the things I cannot change". If there is something that I can do more then just get stressed, angry or worry, I do it.

I have begun a daily search for the source of wisdom. I have found my answers by focusing on God's wisdom. Finding comfort in his words has given me a peace in the middle of the daily storm of fear, worry and anger.

Waking up with that feeling of impending doom has long ago gone away. I have found a peace as I sleep, a tolerance for things that really don't matter and a love for spending my time helping others. 

My last post was heavy but something that needed to be heard. Some things are in the category of "courage to change the things I can". All I can do is be ready when I need to speak out or stand strong.

Life will happen no matter how much I worry so I stopped worrying. Sounds simple but it really is. There are important things to be aware of but wallowing in them is a complete waste of my life energy. 

The only thing I can do is help others to find the wisdom and peace I have found. Life is for living not for worrying about things I cannot change.   

three hundred seventy


This speech is long but please take the time to read it......


"Men Have Forgotten God" 
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyns 
1983 Templeton Address

Your Royal Highness: permit me to express my appreciation to you for taking part in this ceremony. Your participation lends special dignity to these proceedings. This is the first time that the Templeton prize has been awarded to an Orthodox Christian. 

With gratitude that our share in the religious life of the world has now been accorded notice, I remain acutely conscious of my personal unworthiness to receive this award as I look back upon the venerable line of outstanding orthodox churchmen and of orthodox thinkers from Aleksey Khomyakov to Sergei Bulgakov. And I am very much aware that Eastern Slavic Orthodoxy, which, during the 65 years of communist rule, has been subjected to persecution even fiercer and more extensive than that of early Christian times, has had and still has today many hands worthier than mine to accept it. 

Beginning with Vladimir Bogoyavlensky, Metropolitan of Kiev, shot by the communists before the walls of the Kievo-Pechersky Monastery at the dawn of the Lenin era, the list would extend to the intrepid priest Gleb Yakunin, who is enduring torments today, under Andropov: forcibly deprived of all outward symbols of his priesthood, and even of the right to have the gospels, Father Yakunin has for months at a time been held in a freezing stone cubicle, without bed, clothes, or food. 

In this persecution-filled age, it is appropriate that my own very first memory should be of Chekists in pointed caps entering St. Panteleimons Church in Kislovodsk, interrupting the service, and crashing their way into the sanctuary in order to loot. And later, when I started going to school in Rostov-on-don passing on my way a kilometer-long compound of the Cheka-Gpu and a glittering sign of the league of militant atheists schoolchildren egged on by Komsomol members taunted me for accompanying my mother to the last remaining church in town and tore the cross from around my neck.

Orthodox churches were stripped of their valuables in 1922 at the instigation of Lenin and Trotsky. In subsequent years, including both the Stalin and the Khrushchev periods, tens of thousands of churches were torn down or desecrated, leaving behind a disfigured wasteland that bore no resemblance to Russia such as it had stood for centuries. Entire districts and cities of half a million inhabitants were left without a single church. 

Our people were condemned to live in this dark and mute wilderness for decades, groping their way to God and keeping to this course by trial and error. The grip of oppression that we have lived under, and continue to live under, has been so great that religion, instead of leading to a free blossoming of the spirit, has been manifested in asserting the faith on the brink of destruction, or else on the seductive frontiers of Marxist rhetoric, where so many souls have come to grief.

The statement of the Templeton foundation shows an understanding of how the Orthodox spiritual tradition has maintained its vitality in our land despite the forcible promotion of atheism. If even a fraction of those words should find their way to my motherland past the jamming devices, this will bolster the spirits of our believers, assuring them that they have not been forgotten, and that their steadfastness inspires courage even here. 

The centralized atheism before whose armed might the whole world trembles still hates and fears this unarmed faith as much today as it did 60 years ago. Yes! All the savage persecutions loosed upon our people by a murderous state atheism, coupled with the corroding effect of its lies, and an avalanche of stultifying propaganda all of these together have proven weaker than the thousand-year-old faith of our nation. 

This faith has not been destroyed; it remains the most sublime, the most cherished gift to which our lives and consciousness can attain. The Templeton address more than half a century ago, while I was still a child, I recall hearing a number of older people offer the following explanation for the great disasters that had befallen Russia: men have forgotten God; thats why all this has happened. 

Since then I have spent well-nigh 50 years working on the history of our revolution; in the process I have read hundreds of books, collected hundreds of personal testimonies, and have already contributed eight volumes of my own toward the effort of clearing away the rubble left by that upheaval. But if I were asked today to formulate as concisely as possible the main cause of the ruinous revolution that swallowed up some 60 million of our people, I could not put it more accurately than to repeat: men have forgotten God; thats why all this has happened. 

What is more, the events of the Russian revolution can only be understood now, at the end of the century, against the background of what has since occurred in the rest of the world. What emerges here is a process of universal significance. And if I were called upon to identify briefly the principal trait of the entire 20th century, here too, I would be unable to find anything more precise and pithy than to repeat once again: men have forgotten God. The failings of human consciousness, deprived of its divine dimension, have been a determining factor in all the major crimes of this century. 

The first of these was World War I, and much of our present predicament can be traced back to it. It was a war (the memory of which seems to be fading) when Europe, bursting with health and abundance, fell into a rage of self-mutilation which could not but sap its strength for a century or more, and perhaps forever. 

The only possible explanation for this war is a mental eclipse among the leaders of Europe due to their lost awareness of a supreme power above them. Only a godless embitterment could have moved ostensibly Christian states to employ poison gas, a weapon so obviously beyond the limits of humanity. 

The same kind of defect, the flaw of a consciousness lacking all divine dimension, was manifested after World War II when the west yielded to the satanic temptation of the nuclear umbrella. It was equivalent to saying: lets cast off worries, lets free the younger generation from their duties and obligations, lets make no effort to defend ourselves, to say nothing of defending others lets stop our ears to the groans emanating from the east, and let us live instead in the pursuit of happiness. If danger should threaten us, we shall be protected by the nuclear bomb; if not, then let the world burn in hell for all we care. 

The pitifully helpless state to which the contemporary west has sunk is in large measure due to this fatal error: the belief that the defense of peace depends not on stout hearts and steadfast men, but solely on the nuclear bomb. Only the loss of that higher intuition that comes from God could have allowed the west to accept calmly, after World War I, the protracted agony of Russia as she was being torn apart by a band of cannibals, or to accept, after World War II, the similar dismemberment of eastern Europe. 

The west did not perceive that this was in fact the beginning of a lengthy process that spells disaster for the whole world; indeed, the west has done a good deal to help the process along. Only once in this century did the west gather strength for the battle against Hitler. But the fruits of that victory have long since been lost. Faced with cannibalism, our godless age has discovered the perfect anesthetic trade! Such is the pathetic pinnacle of contemporary wisdom. Today s world has reached a stage which, if it had been described to preceding centuries, would have called forth the cry: this is the apocalypse! Yet we have grown used to this kind of world; we even feel at home in it. 

Dostoevsky warned that great events could come upon us and catch us intellectually unprepared. This is precisely what has happened. And he predicted that the world will be saved only after it has been possessed by the demon of evil. Whether it really will be saved we shall have to wait and see: this will depend on our conscience, on our spiritual lucidity, on our individual and combined efforts in the face of catastrophic circumstances. But it has already come to pass that the demon of evil, like a whirlwind, triumphantly circles all five continents of the earth. 

We are witnesses to the devastation of the world, be it imposed or voluntarily undergone. The entire 20th century is being sucked into the vortex of atheism and self-destruction. This plunge into the abyss has aspects that are unquestionably global, dependent neither on political systems, nor on levels of economic and cultural development, nor yet on national peculiarities. And present-day Europe, seemingly so unlike the Russia of 1913, is today on the verge of the same collapse, for all that it has been reached by a different route. 

Different parts of the world have followed different paths, but today they are all approaching the threshold of a common ruin. In its past, Russia did know a time when the social ideal was not fame, or riches, or material success, but a pious way of life. Russia was then steeped in an Orthodox Christianity which remained true to the church of the first centuries. The orthodoxy of that time knew how to safeguard its people under the yoke of a foreign occupation that lasted more than two centuries, while at the same time fending off iniquitous blows from the swords of western crusaders. 

During those centuries the Orthodox faith in our country became part of the very pattern of thought and the personality of our people, the forms of daily life, the work calendar, the priorities in every undertaking, the organization of the week and of the year. Faith was the shaping and unifying force of the nation. 

But in the 17th century Russian Orthodoxy was gravely weakened by an internal schism. In the 18th, the country was shaken by Peters forcibly imposed transformations, which favored the economy, the state, and the military at the expense of the religious spirit and national life. And along with this lopsided Petrine enlightenment, Russia felt the first whiff of secularism; its subtle poisons permeated the educated classes in the course of the 19th century and opened the path to Marxism. 

By the time of the revolution, faith had virtually disappeared in Russian educated circles; and amongst the uneducated, its health was threatened. It was Dostoevsky, once again, who drew from the French Revolution and its seeming hatred of the church the lesson that revolution must necessarily begin with atheism. That is absolutely true. 

But the world had never before known a godlessness as organized, militarized, and tenaciously malevolent as that practiced by Marxism. Within the philosophical system of Marx and Lenin, and at the heart of their psychology, hatred of God is the principal driving force, more fundamental than all their political and economic pretensions. Militant atheism is not merely incidental or marginal to communist policy; it is not a side effect, but the central pivot. To achieve its diabolical ends. 

Communism needs to control a population devoid of religious and national feeling, and this entails the destruction of faith and nationhood. Communists proclaim both of these objectives openly, and just as openly go about carrying them out. The degree to which the atheistic world longs to annihilate religion, the extent to which religion sticks in its throat, was demonstrated by the web of intrigue surrounding the recent attempts on the life of the pope. 

The 1920s in the USSR witnessed an uninterrupted procession of victims and martyrs amongst the Orthodox clergy. Two metropolitans were shot, one of whom, Veniamin of Petrograd, had been elected by the popular vote of his diocese. Patriarch Tikhon himself passed through the hands of the Cheka-Gpu and then died under suspicious circumstances. Scores of archbishops and bishops perished. Tens of thousands of priests, monks, and nuns, pressured by the chekists to renounce the word of God, were tortured, shot in cellars, sent to camps, exiled to the desolate tundra of the far north, or turned out into the streets in their old age without food or shelter.

 All these Christian martyrs went unswervingly to their deaths for the faith; instances of apostasy were few and far between. For tens of millions of laymen access to the church was blocked, and they were forbidden to bring up their children in the faith: religious parents were wrenched from their children and thrown into prison, while the children were turned from the faith by threats and lies. One could argue that the pointless destruction of Russias rural economy in the 1930s the so-called de-kulakization and collectivization, which brought death to 15 million peasants while making no economic sense at all was enforced with such cruelty, first and foremost, for the purpose of destroying our national way of life and of extirpating religion from the countryside. 

The same policy of spiritual perversion operated throughout the brutal world of the gulag archipelago, where men were encouraged to survive at the cost of the lives of others. And only atheists bereft of reason could have decided upon the ultimate brutality against the Russian land itself that is being planned in the USSR today: the Russian north is to be flooded, the flow of the northern rivers reversed, the life of the arctic ocean disrupted, and the water channeled southward, toward lands already devastated by earlier, equally foolhardy feats of communist construction. 

For a short period of time, when he needed to gather strength for the struggle against Hitler, Stalin cynically adopted a friendly posture toward the church. This deceptive game, continued in later years by Brezhnev with the help of showcase publications and other window dressing, has unfortunately tended to be taken at its face value in the west. Yet the tenacity with which hatred of religion is rooted in communism may be judged by the example of their most liberal leader, Khrushchev: for though he undertook a number of significant steps to extend freedom, Khrushchev simultaneously rekindled the frenzied Leninist obsession with destroying religion. 

But there is something they did not expect: that in a land where churches have been leveled, where a triumphant atheism has rampaged uncontrolled for two-thirds of a century, where the clergy is utterly humiliated and deprived of all independence, where what remains of the church as an institution is tolerated only for the sake of propaganda directed at the west, where even today people are sent to the labor camps for their faith, and where, within the camps themselves, those who gather to pray at Easter are clapped in punishment cells they could not suppose that beneath this communist steamroller the Christian tradition would survive in Russia. 

It is true that millions of our countrymen have been corrupted and spiritually devastated by an officially imposed atheism, yet there remain many millions of believers: it is only external pressures that keep them from speaking out, but, as is always the case in times of persecution and suffering, the awareness of God in my country has attained great acuteness and profundity.

It is here that we see the dawn of hope: for no matter how formidably communism bristles with tanks and rockets, no matter what successes it attains in seizing the planet, it is doomed never to vanquish Christianity. 

The west has yet to experience a communist invasion; religion here remains free. But the wests own historical evolution has been such that today it too is experiencing a drying up of religious consciousness. It too has witnessed racking schisms, bloody religious wars, and rancor, to say nothing of the tide of secularism that, from the late middle ages onward, has progressively inundated the west. 

This gradual sapping of strength from within is a threat to faith that is perhaps even more dangerous than any attempt to assault religion violently from without. Imperceptibly, through decades of gradual erosion, the meaning of life in the west has ceased to be seen as anything more lofty than the pursuit of happiness, a goal that has even been solemnly guaranteed by constitutions. 

The concepts of good and evil have been ridiculed for several centuries; banished from common use, they have been replaced by political or class considerations of short-lived value. It has become embarrassing to state that evil makes its home in the individual human heart before it enters a political system. Yet it is not considered shameful to make daily concessions to an integral evil. Judging by the continuing landslide of concessions made before the eyes of our very own generation, the west is ineluctably slipping toward the abyss.

Western societies are losing more and more of their religious essence as they thoughtlessly yield up their younger generation to atheism. If a blasphemous film about Jesus is shown throughout the United States, reputedly one of the most religious countries in the world, or a major newspaper publishes a shameless caricature of the virgin Mary, what further evidence of godlessness does one need? 

When external rights are completely unrestricted, why should one make an inner effort to restrain oneself from ignoble acts? Or why should one refrain from burning hatred, whatever its basis race, class, or ideology? Such hatred is in fact corroding many hearts today. Atheist teachers in the west are bringing up a younger generation in a spirit of hatred of their own society. 

Amid all the vituperation we forget that the defects of capitalism represent the basic flaws of human nature, allowed unlimited freedom together with the various human rights; we forget that under communism (and communism is breathing down the neck of all moderate forms of socialism, which are unstable) the identical flaws run riot in any person with the least degree of authority; while everyone else under that system does indeed attain equality the equality of destitute slaves. 

This eager fanning of the flames of hatred is becoming the mark of todays free world. Indeed, the broader the personal freedoms are, the higher the level of prosperity or even of abundance the more vehement, paradoxically, does this blind hatred become. The contemporary developed west thus demonstrates by its own example that human salvation can be found neither in the profusion of material goods nor in merely making money. This deliberately nurtured hatred then spreads to all that is alive, to life itself, to the world with its colors, sounds, and shapes, to the human body. 

The embittered art of the 20th century is perishing as a result of this ugly hate, for art is fruitless without love. In the east art has collapsed because it has been knocked down and trampled upon, but in the west the fall has been voluntary, a decline into a contrived and pretentious quest where the artist, instead of attempting to reveal the divine plan, tries to put himself in the place of God

Here again we witness the single outcome of a worldwide process, with east and west yielding the same results, and once again for the same reason: men have forgotten god. Confronted by the onslaught of worldwide atheism, believers are disunited and frequently bewildered. And yet the Christian (or post-Christian) world would do well to note the example of the far east. I have recently had an opportunity to observe in free China and in Japan how, despite their apparently less clearly defined religious concepts, and despite the same unassailable freedom of choice that exists in the west, both the younger generation and society as a whole have preserved their moral sensibility to a greater degree than the west has, and have been less affected by the destructive spirit of secularism. 

What can one say about the lack of unity among the various religions, if Christianity has itself become so fragmented? In recent years the major Christian churches have taken steps toward reconciliation. But these measures are far too slow; the world is perishing a hundred times more quickly. 

No one expects the churches to merge or to revise all their doctrines, but only to present a common front against atheism. Yet even for such a purpose the steps taken are much too slow. There does exist an organized movement for the unification of the churches, but it presents an odd picture. The World Council of Churches seems to care more for the success of revolutionary movements in the third world, all the while remaining blind and deaf to the persecution of religion where this is carried through most consistently in the USSR. 

No one can fail to see the facts; must one conclude, then, that it is deemed expedient not to see, not to get involved? But if that is the case, what remains of Christianity? It is with profound regret that I must note here something which I cannot pass over in silence. 

My predecessor in the receipt of this prize last year in the very month that the award was made lent public support to communist lies by his deplorable statement that he had not noticed the persecution of religion in the USSR. Before the multitude of those who have perished and who are oppressed today, may God be his judge. It seems more and more apparent that even with the most sophisticated of political maneuvers, the noose around the neck of mankind draws tighter and more hopeless with every passing decade, and there seems to be no way out for anyone neither nuclear, nor political, nor economic, nor ecological. That is indeed the way things appear to be. 

With such global events looming over us like mountains, nay, like entire mountain ranges, it may seem incongruous and inappropriate to recall that the primary key to our being or non-being resides in each individual human heart, in the hearts preference for specific good or evil. 

Yet this remains true even today, and it is, in fact, the most reliable key we have. The social theories that promised so much have demonstrated their bankruptcy, leaving us at a dead end. The free people of the west could reasonably have been expected to realize that they are beset by numerous freely nurtured falsehoods, and not to allow lies to be foisted upon them so easily. All attempts to find a way out of the plight of todays world are fruitless unless we redirect our consciousness, in repentance, to the creator of all: without this, no exit will be illumined, and we shall seek it in vain.

 The resources we have set aside for ourselves are too impoverished for the task. We must first recognize the horror perpetrated not by some outside force, not by class or national enemies, but within each of us individually, and within every society. This is especially true of a free and highly developed society, for here in particular we have surely brought everything upon ourselves, of our own free will. We ourselves, in our daily unthinking selfishness, are pulling tight that noose. 

Let us ask ourselves: are not the ideals of our century false? And is not our glib and fashionable terminology just as unsound, a terminology that offers superficial remedies for every difficulty? Each of them, in whatever sphere, must be subjected to a clear-eyed scrutiny while there is still time. 

The solution to the crisis will not be found along the well-trodden paths of conventional thinking. Our life consists not in the pursuit of material success but in the quest for worthy spiritual growth. Our entire earthly existence is but a transitional stage in the movement toward something higher, and we must not stumble and fall, nor must we linger fruitlessly on one rung of the ladder. 

Material laws alone do not explain our life or give it direction. The laws of physics and physiology will never reveal the indisputable manner in which the creator constantly, day in and day out, participates in the life of each of us, unfailingly granting us the energy of existence; when this assistance leaves us, we die. And in the life of our entire planet, the divine spirit surely moves with no less force: this we must grasp in our dark and terrible hour. To the ill-considered hopes of the last two centuries, which have reduced us to insignificance and brought us to the brink of nuclear and non-nuclear death, we can propose only a determined quest for the warm hand of God, which we have so rashly and self-confidently spurned. 

Only in this way can our eyes be opened to the errors of this unfortunate 20th century and our bands be directed to setting them right. There is nothing else to cling to in the landslide: the combined vision of all the thinkers of the enlightenment amounts to nothing. Our five continents are caught in a whirlwind. But it is during trials such as these that the highest gifts of the human spirit are manifested. If we perish and lose this world, the fault will be ours alone.

 This was forty years ago, his words mean even more today. 

I Corinthians 1:18 - 2:5
     For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.  For it is written: 
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”
     Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?  For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.  Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom,  but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles,  but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.  For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. 
      Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.  But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are,  so that no one may boast before him.  It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.  Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
      And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.  For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.  I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling.  My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power,  so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.