three hundred forty one

 

MIDDLE OF THE HERD

A theme has been moving through the rooms of AA lately, a call to stay in the middle of the herd. Several have left the herd and relapse through the past years of lock downs. This disruption made it difficult to stay in connection with other alcoholics. 

In person weekly meetings were limited to one or two compared to the regular 120.  Zoom became an alternative but it was a poor substitute for hugs, eye contact and holding hands in a circle prayer at the end of each meeting. Coffee shops and restaurants were closed so no meet ups or step work.

Isolation, binging on Netflix, eating too much, lack of activity, close quarters and working from home soon lost it's charm. Fifteen days stretched into years which gave the lone alcoholic the opportunity to quietly slip through the cracks. 

It's hard enough to stay connected but with the added isolation many more relapsed, suffered from depression and loneliness and sadly some died. Normally thirty people die of this disease every hour but through the blur of politics we will never know how many more lost their lives.

Unprotected and disconnected from the herd we were vulnerable, unaccountable and secretive. The lie rattling around in every alcoholics brain eventually made sense again so secret test drinking to sooth problems took many quietly out.

In Bend Oregon we have 26 legal recreational pot dispensaries. Through the wisdom of government package liquor stores and the pot stores were deemed essential services and remained open for business. Churches, AA, Al-Anon and NA meetings were not, what could possibly go wrong?

We did the best we could to stay connected, most of my friends survived but how many new people didn't have an opportunity to get sober. 

This year is coming to an end and who knows what next year will bring. The theme of getting in the middle of the herd rings true to most who survived. We do more texts through the day, phone calls to check in, a few more meetings with meals before or after, meeting for coffee, step work with sponsees and time with a sponsor all add to the safety of the herd.

We don't always talk "program" we do what I call "I give a shit" calls. A voice and a loving wisecrack that may evolve into a needed serious conversation. Just the act of doing this keeps us all connected.

We saw the damage the lock downs did when we weren't prepared so we are preparing for what ever the future holds. The pain of losing another friend to alcohol or death is too much to carry alone so we have no choice but to stay close together as a herd.