three hundred eighty nine

 

GOATS MAKE ME LAUGH

We spent Thanks Giving near Salem Oregon on a small farm. The accommodations were large enough for a large family so we had plenty of room. 

The space was the entire loft of the barn. It was fun watching the birds  learn to fly around such a large space. In fact they were intimidated for the first day but they soon enjoyed the top of the curtains.

We were only a few miles from McMinnville Oregon so groceries and restaurants were close by. The chicken, cows, horses, sheep, two yacks a donkey and two hilarious goats. 

The family invited us for dinner with their five children. The meal was great and the pies were awesome.

The farm is a money pit even though they sell whole unpasteurized milk products. The husband is a tech guy with what I assume a good income. At best between the rental and minimal milk sales they break even. 

The young couple love their work of which there is plenty. Up early moving stock, cleaning stalls, milking cows and feeding live stock brought back memories. We will return in the spring to see new pigs sheep and baby goats. I want to milk a yack just to say I did.

three hundred eighty eight

LIKE A SCENE FROM BETTER CALL SAUL

Recently I joined the local gym. I haven't used the equipment yet because I haven't found a quiet time. I have only use the sauna. After my home workout on my bench with ankle weights and dumbbells I try to walk ten miles weather permitting. 

Central Oregon is not over cast like Portland or Seattle. The mountains toward the coast block the weather fronts. It rains on the coast then when the fronts hit the mountains they turn to snow. The bulk of the snows hit the mountains and dissipate before they hit the high desert. We get winter temperatures and ice but the snowfall is usually light.

Even though the temperatures are well below freezing the outdoor food courts are open the year around. They have fire pits, locally brewed beer and food trucks. The 26 local marijuana  dispensaries supply the pot. I can tell people are baked but I rarely smell the smoke, I assume there is some new way to use it to get around smoking restrictions. No one is overly drunk or stoned, perhaps they have mastered the art of moderation, something foreign to me.

The gym is full of hard bodied young people, well young to me. I feel like a fat old guy but I can't see myself in the pool......yet. 

I love the bone warming heat and love to sweat. I hold my own in the secret contest no-one talks about but every guy plays. Grown men, like little boys turn everything into a competition so staying in longer than the next guy is very important. As we quietly take a break to get our heart beats back in the normal range we collectively watch the water aerobics class. 

There are 20-30 seniors in the class that lasts an hour so we all secretly know someone is peeing in the pool. I am just the guy who says it out loud. 

A small room full of sweating people without cell phones is very interesting. No-one usually talks, some meditate, some struggle with the heat but there is always that one man or woman who does erotic stretches. One young woman taunts the young guys with flirtatious stripper poses. As one of the "safe older guys" she feels free to have a conversation. Her youth makes me realize I am one of the safe old guys.

My body sweats buckets and my mind races. I try to hold back every wise ass comment that pops into my mind, but I do occasionally throw one out there. One day I asked the question; "why do men have nipples?" What an interesting day, I was surprised how much people have thought about this topic, who knew?

It is neutral ground. With only swimsuits our bodies are no secret. If we are out of shape it shows and if we are in shape it shows. Piercings, tattoos, hair and no hair are visible. No one sees your car, knows where you live, what you do for a living, anything about you politics or social status, just a room full of men and women sweating.

Occasionally people who know each other talk. One day a man was talking about his disappointment with his daughter because she was engaged to a man in retail. Others talk about their jobs from doctor to ditch digger. Occasionally a homeless guy buys a seven dollar day pass to get clean and warm.

I don't wear my glasses so I can't remember faces. I had a young woman call me by name and introduce me to her husband. Evidently we had had a meaningful conversation somewhere but I could not figure out who she was. If you do wear glasses in the sauna you look a little creepy. 

All in all I am enjoying this experience for the health benefits and interaction with strangers in a very unique setting. I may soon be one of the water aerobics club but I promise I'll try not to pee in the pool.

three hundred eight seven

 IN THIS WORLD THERE ARE TALKERS AND THERE ARE DOERS.

I was born and raised in Ohio and somehow have an internal sense of midwest values. Many of these values were formally taught in school and Sunday school but many were in the air or water. I assume it was simply how the people around me were living their everyday lives. 

Keeping an appointment, telling the truth, doing the right thing when no one is looking and playing by the rules were behaviors that were expected. A person was judged by his or her word. All other factors were of less concern, race, sex, who you love, age, education, social and economic status. What really mattered was the value of your word. 

If you gave your word it meant something. Once we gave it we would go to any lengths to keep it. Our self-esteem, sense of honor and reputation would hinge on keeping our word at all cost. This wasn't only for the big things but for everything. 

It was an internal thing not an enforced thing. The community didn't punish a person for breaking their word, people felt a personal shame for failure. There was a standard of behavior we were all aware of so falling short or not following through mattered.

Children born out of wedlock were accepted by the community but all parties knew it wasn't right. The father usually came forward to take responsibility and the family accepted and loved the child. No scarlet letters or shunning but an awareness and encouragement to do better.

Even a misspent youth, addiction, criminal or moral past can be overcome by positive actions. Talking has little or no effect. 

The idea that the midwest is more judgmental and unaccepting doesn't fit my experience. Sure there were narrow-minded judgmental people and people who could care less about honor but the community as a whole lived by these values. 

I moved to the southwest and later to the Bay Area and found a new definition of acceptance. To be considered accepting required ignoring personal responsibility and abandoning common sense. Everything is relative, rules and laws are optional depending on the situation. Honor was an old fashioned concept and nothing is actually wrong.

I first noticed this in business and later in social settings. Appointments were optional and handshake agreements were nonexistent. Being cool was breaking social norms, mocking religion and belittling midwest values. Ironically they wondered why society is so screwed up.

Individual responsibility is no longer valued or taken seriously. I'm by no means a shining example of honor but I an at least aware when I fall short.

Showing up and following through are important to me. I expect people to keep promises, appointments and responsibilities. If I expect this from others I must expect it from myself. I have boiled this down to a basic question, are you a talker or a doer?

Measure what you promise, over promising sounds good in the moment but not following through damages your reputation. It is simple if you can't or don't want to do something don't say you will. 

Expect follow through from others. If they follow through you don't have to punish them but don't let it slide, express your disappointment. Then they know it is important to you.

I believe this needs to be brought back into focus. No I don't want to police or punish this but rationalizing it away has obviously not helped. 

We have changed the rules from obeying that small voice that tells us it is wrong when we are alone to if no-one catches or sees us it is okay. This has grown to include even if we are caught we are a victim of circumstances or dismissing the normal standards all together. 

Taking an oath, keeping a promise, showing up for an appointment, paying a debt, telling the truth and not stealing need to be valid by society again. I realize I'm older and this might sound old fashioned but these basic values need a renewal.

I don't blame young people, they grew up with these new distorted standards. The few I have talked with seem to be interested because it is like a new refreshing concept. I have hope the pendulum will return to some midwest standards.

Like I said I have failed many times both with large and small things but I am striving to do better. Falling into the mindset that this is okay is a danger so the guilt I feel is a sign I am aware of my short comings. I measure my promises today but once they are made I bend over backward to keep them. 

three hundred eighty six

IF YOU TATTOO WORDS ON YOUR NECK AND FACE, DON'T GET PISSED OFF WHEN I TRY TO READ THEM.

As I was standing in line at our local Costco pharmacy, I noticed the man standing in front of me was covered with tattoos. He had paragraphs of what I assumed were important statements. Important enough to wear on his skin for the rest of his life. They were positioned in places that were intended for the onlooker to read, especially the ones on his face and neck. 

The line was long and I had nothing to do so I started to read them. At first it felt awkward but I assumed thats why they were on display. I wasn't reading out loud or standing too close but he copped an attitude. With attitude he asked me "What the fuck are you looking at?" I answered, "I was reading your tattoos". He said "Mind your own fucking business". I didn't think it was a good time to point out a miss spelling so I decided to disengage.

Since then I have asked myself the question, why do they go through the expense and discomfort to wear these profound words on their skin if they don't want anyone to read them? Tattoos are the last true form of art, no middle man. A one on one transaction between the artist and the canvas. Many tattoos are meaningful especially the ones with words.

Another time I noticed a man with several paragraphs written on his arms, back and chest. After my Costco experience I thought I would take a different approach and asked him if he minded if I read his tattoos. I may as well have asked to see his penis. He was offended that I had asked such a rude question.

I'm confused why do you write this stuff in places you can't see yourself then get angry if someone shows an interest in reading it. 

People are weird.......

three hundred eighty five

 WHAT REALLY MATTERS?

We have been binge watching the 2000-2005 TV series Six Feet Under, it is now streaming on Netflix. The off beat series is based on a family owned funeral home business. 

After the sudden death of the patriarch owner the family struggles to continue the business and navigate their own self centered lives. Every character is a moral, emotional and mental mess but the story lines are thought provoking. 

Each episode begins with the scene of an untimely death or two. The day to day business of dealing with the grieving families, selling their services, arranging transportation, selling caskets, embalming and restoring the body, flowers and funeral service weaves between the endless flow of family drama. There are plenty of scenes interacting with the dead person and dream sequences that can be a bit confusing but they do explore some deep questions about life and death.

Like I said, every family member is a really screwed up narcissist. They continuously analyze every introverted feeling, verbalize every emotional tantrum and act on every sexual impulse. They occasionally mock uptight religious people while crossing every moral line then wonder why their lives are so screwed up, but that just reveals the bias of the writers.

I enjoy the thought provoking look into the grieving family and friends. Death is the elephant in the room, we feel uncomfortable talking about it but we all think about it much more then we will admit.

I watched the series when it first came out but this time I see that the writers, in spite of their bias explore some deep questions about what matters and doesn't matter.

Personally we are in a different place in our lives, dealing with age and illness. This is not new to us, life has been uncertain for many years. I overthink things, but you would know that if you have read my blog so you know pondering the meaning of life isn't new to me. Riding a bike for several months while meandering thousands of miles will do that to you.

What matters more each day is how fully I live not how long I live. I do have a wondering eye and still long to see what is over the horizon and around the corner and I hope that it will never go away. People and how close I can get to them is what matters now. 

I have wasted far too much time and energy trying to avoid the inconvenience of people and have left only a very few in. The risk of being hurt will always be there but the rewards of fully loving someone is all that really matters. 

I have traveled, lived in amazing places, had mind blowing experiences and felt danger, heartache and exhilaration, but reaching over in the middle of the night to feel that one person that knows all of my secrets, fears and faults is what matters.

We seem to wait too long to value this, most wait until it is too late and it is gone. Thank God I have realized to value the people around me before they are gone. Illness and age will eventually take us all so cherish what you have right now in this moment because this is all that really matters. 

three hundred eighty four

ONCE UPON A TIME ASKING QUESTIONS WAS A GOOD THING...

2 Timothy 4:3-4 

"For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell their itching ears want to hear. They will reject the truth and chase after myths."

three hundred eighty four

I STAND WITH ISRAEL

We visited Israel last year, what a beautiful country. The people were welcoming and busy with life. We ate lunch at a Kibbutz overlooking the Sea of Galilee. It was filled with young families and lots and lots of children. 

The old city was guarded by very sober young Israeli soldiers. They were all business never looking anyone in the eye but constantly scanning the area and body movements. The seriousness may seem odd to a westerner but the events of today explains why.

My heart aches for the victims of these unspeakable crimes. My anger burns with hatred for the evil ones who have done such horror. 

As usual the press will use it power to slowly twist and turn the blame back on Israel. I think I have been clear about my contempt for much of the American media. 

Perhaps this event will finally open a few eyes and minds to their complicity in this hatred for the state of Israel and the Jewish people. They craft their words to sound reasonable but they are designed to hide their real motives. These events may be too much to hide but they will certainly try.

God bless the people of Israel.

three hundred eighty three

MY DREAM MACHINE

well my latest

HONDA NC 750x DCT

In my opinion this motorcycle is just the right size for long distance touring. It has enough low range torque and horsepower for highway cruising. The long wheel base gives it stability but it's light weight and adventure bike suspension makes it nimble. The efficient four stroke engine gives great fuel economy. The ample storage makes this the perfect cross country touring package.

I do have plans to do the bicycle tour but the motorcycle option is in the mix. I think I will do both someday.

I don't want a BMW with heated seats and handgrips, a chrome covered Harley Davidson or a loaded Honda Gold Wing. I want this motorcycle, not too big, not too small, just the right size. Yes it is my dream motorcycle. 

MY DREAM TOURING RIG

Co-Motion makes the Americano. In my opinion it is the best touring bicycle available. They build them in Oregon but the complete bike alone costs five to eight thousand bucks, I'll stick with my $700 Surly. My complete Surly rig with custom wheels, panniers, all of my camping gear, clothing, lights, navigation gear and electronics is less then four thousand bucks. 

For only a few thousand bucks more the Rohloff and Pinion internal drive trains are both bomb proof state of art touring options that would make life a lot easier but I know how to fix my old fashioned static shifter. I have had long conversations with "Walter" on my long journeys. I know it's twenty years old but an old bike for an old guy makes more sense to me but mostly it's a sentimental attachment. 

MY DREAM OFF ROAD VEHICLE

I did buy one of my dream cars in 1989, a Jeep Wrangler. It was white, had a gray hardtop, limo tinted windows and air conditioning. I lived in Arizona at the time so it made the perfect desert machine. Unfortunately it was the most recalled piece of crap in Jeeps history. The gas milage was terrible and the fuel system was a nightmare, but it looked amazing.

MY FIRST NEW CAR

MY FIRST PICKUP TRUCK

I long ago got over my new car smell addiction. It only took seven new vehicles to get that out of my system. The scooters I have had were used so if I find a used motorcycle that has been maintained I'll be happy with it.

Winter is just around the corner so I have a few months to dream.

three hundred eighty two

 SEASON CHANGE IN CENTRAL OREGON

The leaves are changing, frost on roof tops and I'm shopping for heated gloves for my motorcycle. I'm not a fan of cold weather, far too many years freezing my butt working in a meat cooler. 

Over thirty four years in Ohio's unpredictable weather, twenty years in Arizona where the heat was perfect in my opinion, seven years freezing in San Francisco year around, and four years in Hawaii that is paradise except for bugs, mold and volcano smoke.

I'm now on the edge of a giant pine forest and massive high desert. Cold clear lakes, trout filled streams, snow capped mountain views and yes, snow.  

After losing 30 pounds and fitting into my skinny clothes again, I still walk 10 to 17 miles four days a week. The other days I ride my loaded bike and still ride my motorcycle to most places. 

I think I need new shoes...

My 7am AA meetings in the local parks are moving inside. I dread going to the gym (it has people) but I think I can find a slow time to concentrate on a weight program without advice or small talk.

Empty, the way I like it...

Getting a routine after retirement has been a challenge. I spend less time wallowing in the daily political soap opera and take a 30,000 ft overview of events. Yes the country is a shit show but I still have faith the pendulum will swing back but I can only do so much. Stressing out and having a stroke or heart attack won't solve a thing. 

Living my life a full as I can helping guys get sober is my focus now. Life happens in spite of Washington DC. I cherish the people in my life both past and present. The shit show in Washington only has 30 to 60 minutes of my day. 

Snow is coming I may grab a medical transport job or drive a retirement home bus for a few bucks. My commercial drivers license is about to expire, it only puts a small dent in my ego but it's time. 

I know I have another long ride or three in my future but I can't say when, for now I do it a day at a time.

three hundred eighty one

 HOW DO YOU PERCEIVE THE WORLD?

As the internet became more user friendly and available to the average person we have gone from the almost unrestricted free flow of information to illegal  corporation/government involved censorship. 

If you are still relying on media of any form to give you the complete picture you are naive. You are being manipulated, propagandized and lied to. Because we can't be everywhere news and events happen we have relied on the constitutionally protected media to tell us the full unbiased truth. 

Unfortunately most media sources have completely sold out to the forces of popularity, profit and ideology. When they are called out they hide behind this constitutional protection and lash out to demonize and destroy anyone who may reveal the truth about their lies and omissions.

Ironically they accuse any uncontrolled voice of spreading conspiracy theories, misinformation and lies. Their obvious over reaction to free speech is clear but if you say something enough times a percentage of people will believe it. No matter how obvious this is they will always have an audience because it is just easier to go along. 

Many stay loyal to a particular news source because they hate the same people they hate. They spin every event to claim all credit for the home team and assess all blame to the enemy team. Loyal listeners enjoy the steady stream of hate, insults and mocking and they accept it as accurate and unbiased. Don't get me wrong this is a problem across the political spectrum.

Many have become frustrated and have reached a point they ignore everything but even they are being propagandized by entertainment, social media and search engines. 

Even if you see this clearly it is extremely difficult to find reliable sources of accurate information. History is being rewritten, values have been changed, words are redefined and age old common sense and morals are now called hate, bigotry and racism. 

If you do have the curiosity to know what is true I believe it is still possible. We all need to learn the art of discernment or critical thinking. Unfortunately this basic skill is no longer taught in schools or colleges. They still use these terms but even the words are part of the new deception. First it requires a willingness to know the whole truth but even this is discouraged. 

Before Vatican two there were many Catholics who relied on Priests to discern the truth about the Bible. In fact laymen Catholics were discouraged from reading  the Bible because it would confuse and mislead them. After Vatican Two there were many Bible study groups formed and a grass roots reform happened. Throughout history anytime the common man has access to information there is a change.

America is built on the principle of a citizen controlled government with a free flow of information. However this requires the active participation of the citizen. We require free and fare elections. Trust in our representatives, justice system and media. Unfortunately too many of us have been asleep, distracted, deceived and propagandized.  

It all begins with the willingness and skill to see the big picture. Our media uses the tunnel vision method to manipulate the masses. If it is cold, hot, rain, no rain, fires, floods, storms, earthquakes, volcanos or bad hair days it is the end of democracy, freedom or the whole damn world.  Then they blame the other team because they didn't pass more legislation, spend enough money or enact a new policy. 

They lie by omission, if an event happened but no one reports on it to many it did not happen. If someone does say it happen it is characterized as misinformation, a talking point or a nutty conspiracy.

 

Facts and actual solutions be damned, the worst thing a politician  can do is actually solve a problem. They dramatically proclaim all problems are a crisis that desperately need to be solved by spending more and more money, passing sweeping legislation and regulating. Most important it becomes a powerful club to beat your enemies with because they are greedy cold hearted haters who just don't care. 

Occasionally there is someone who tries to change this. They actually solve problems, spend less money, enforce laws, shrink government and give the power back to us, but if this does happen we see the results. Most can't endure this pressure and quickly sell out, get destroyed by media or go to jail. 

People can be destroyed but ideas live on, this is harder to control. Ideas inspire and endure, they create movements but these are subject to demonization. They are blamed for acts of violence that only happen in made for TV movies. Insults and mischaracterizations only fan the flames and steel the resolve of those being smeared. 

Propaganda is powerful but government agencies, news media and big tech have lied so often more and more people don't trust them. But to the true believers even the statement that the media is bias will draw mocking criticism. 

Everything is now political, we must understand that fact. The days of blindly trusting anyone to tell us the whole truth are over. In a way that isn't a bad thing. Discerning is a lost art, like an atrophied muscle it needs to be strengthened.   

I know if feels like all is lost but throughout history only a small percentage of people have righted a sinking ship. America has a history of losing focus but when it gets bad enough they wake up. The Emperor is naked and average people are beginning to notice. 

Information is now coming to us in a form that bypasses major media. Actual events are happening to everyone, at the gas pump, the grocery store check out, in restaurants, housing costs, subscription fees, air travel, medicine and utility bills. Violence, homelessness and hatred are actually in our neighborhood not in another neighborhood across town. The constant reactions of our current leaders is a steady hate filled stream of accusations that others are causing division and hatred while at the same time preaching empty words of unity and caring. 

I see signs everyday that our media and politicians are wearing out their message and becoming a comedy sketch. You can tell because the words change because the old ones have lost their effect. The smell of bull shit is so strong now that well crafted words won't cover it up.

I know there will always be gullible people of all stripes. With the media megaphone they seem larger than they really are. Only a few will diligently search the internet for the absolute truth but everyone pays bills and sees the world around them. They may not show up in poll numbers or attend rallies but more and more are waking up. 

They are actually afraid of an informed motivated and pissed off citizen. If even a small percentage wake up they will lose control. Five minutes of unfiltered truth or a negative experience can destroy a life of indoctrination. 

I am worried but I trust the American idea. Keeping the masses dependent, angry and scared will just go so far until the average citizen wakes up. I think we are quietly waking up. 

three hundred eighty

Pee-wee Herman

Paul Reuben recently passed away, he had a  complicated career that unfortunately in today's reporting has negative reviews, but I expect no actual journalism. I really liked his energy and off beat humor. I remember his early stand up appearances on talk shows and Saturday Night Live. He was always an acquired taste and broke new comedy ground.

He was never a child friendly entertainer and he was never intended to be.  Parents saw the bright sets filled with colorful characters but ignored the obvious underlying adult humor. I don't know his sexuality and I refuse to assume but many commentators express an opinion. He was eccentric and secret about his private life and let his work speak for itself.

He had a way of using subtle to blatant sexual implications accompanied by his patented perfectly timed silence and look. He was hard to explain so I see how many not paying attention missed his genius.

Pee-wee was an original, his standup had a structure. His voice, look and props drew out a few audience members into uncontrolled laughter. He would focus on this small group that quickly infected the entire audience. I was never sure if I was laughing at him or the giggling audience. 

His movies were outrageous but the underlying interaction with his famous guests was the focus. Two adults dressed in silly costumes acting out a ridiculous script was on its surface funny. What was really genius was his ability to include his audience in a secret. The inside jokes and comments between Pee-wee and his guests made you feel like part of the cast. Mr Rogers did it with kids but Pee-wee did it with the adults. 

Most corporate meetings have at least one class clown who  makes comments to entertain the people around them at the expense of the boring speaker. Pee-wee took it to a new level he was on stage assisting the boring speaker while making stealth comments and looks behind their back. He was so good the boring speaker actually thought he was being the funny one.

He has many famous guests,  Annette Funicello, Frankie Avalon, Magic Johnson, Dinah Shore, Joan Rivers, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Whoopi Goldberg, Little Richard, Cher, Charo, k.d. lang, the Del Rubio triplets, and Grace Jones....

A young Oprah

Laurence Fishburne

and the late Phil Hartman.

Paul had a career derailing arrest as a sex offender. He was caught in a sting in an adult movie theater. Before VHS adult movies were only found in adult movie theaters. These were dark older theaters usually located in a rough part of town. If there was an appropriate public place to masturbate it would be in one of these. The press reports made it sound like he was standing beside a white van next to a school yard.

I understand how parents were outraged because they thought he was a child entertainer. Actually child guests were extremely rare. Pee-wee was always talking to his adult audience not the kids. I believe they appeared after his shows became popular and I never got the feeling they were welcomed by Pee-wee. Stage parents will do anything to promote their children ask Macaulay Culkin.

Paul died after a long bout with brain cancer. He made a few film projects but the Pee-wee Playhouse never reemerged. His movies have become cult classics for their whit and unique comedy. His gift of laughter lives on. 

A sample of Pee-Wee's humor

three hundred seventy nine

AUGUST 5, 1990

 Now another twenty four hours.....

This sobriety journey is like my long bike trips, one mile or one day at a time. Both seem impossible looking forward and looking back.