three hundred eight seven

 IN THIS WORLD THERE ARE TALKERS AND THERE ARE DOERS.

I was born and raised in Ohio and somehow have an internal sense of midwest values. Many of these values were formally taught in school and Sunday school but many were in the air or water. I assume it was simply how the people around me were living their everyday lives. 

Keeping an appointment, telling the truth, doing the right thing when no one is looking and playing by the rules were behaviors that were expected. A person was judged by his or her word. All other factors were of less concern, race, sex, who you love, age, education, social and economic status. What really mattered was the value of your word. 

If you gave your word it meant something. Once we gave it we would go to any lengths to keep it. Our self-esteem, sense of honor and reputation would hinge on keeping our word at all cost. This wasn't only for the big things but for everything. 

It was an internal thing not an enforced thing. The community didn't punish a person for breaking their word, people felt a personal shame for failure. There was a standard of behavior we were all aware of so falling short or not following through mattered.

Children born out of wedlock were accepted by the community but all parties knew it wasn't right. The father usually came forward to take responsibility and the family accepted and loved the child. No scarlet letters or shunning but an awareness and encouragement to do better.

Even a misspent youth, addiction, criminal or moral past can be overcome by positive actions. Talking has little or no effect. 

The idea that the midwest is more judgmental and unaccepting doesn't fit my experience. Sure there were narrow-minded judgmental people and people who could care less about honor but the community as a whole lived by these values. 

I moved to the southwest and later to the Bay Area and found a new definition of acceptance. To be considered accepting required ignoring personal responsibility and abandoning common sense. Everything is relative, rules and laws are optional depending on the situation. Honor was an old fashioned concept and nothing is actually wrong.

I first noticed this in business and later in social settings. Appointments were optional and handshake agreements were nonexistent. Being cool was breaking social norms, mocking religion and belittling midwest values. Ironically they wondered why society is so screwed up.

Individual responsibility is no longer valued or taken seriously. I'm by no means a shining example of honor but I an at least aware when I fall short.

Showing up and following through are important to me. I expect people to keep promises, appointments and responsibilities. If I expect this from others I must expect it from myself. I have boiled this down to a basic question, are you a talker or a doer?

Measure what you promise, over promising sounds good in the moment but not following through damages your reputation. It is simple if you can't or don't want to do something don't say you will. 

Expect follow through from others. If they follow through you don't have to punish them but don't let it slide, express your disappointment. Then they know it is important to you.

I believe this needs to be brought back into focus. No I don't want to police or punish this but rationalizing it away has obviously not helped. 

We have changed the rules from obeying that small voice that tells us it is wrong when we are alone to if no-one catches or sees us it is okay. This has grown to include even if we are caught we are a victim of circumstances or dismissing the normal standards all together. 

Taking an oath, keeping a promise, showing up for an appointment, paying a debt, telling the truth and not stealing need to be valid by society again. I realize I'm older and this might sound old fashioned but these basic values need a renewal.

I don't blame young people, they grew up with these new distorted standards. The few I have talked with seem to be interested because it is like a new refreshing concept. I have hope the pendulum will return to some midwest standards.

Like I said I have failed many times both with large and small things but I am striving to do better. Falling into the mindset that this is okay is a danger so the guilt I feel is a sign I am aware of my short comings. I measure my promises today but once they are made I bend over backward to keep them.