four hundred twenty nine

THE MAN WITH NO LAST NAME

Dennis was a painter and had two dogs, that's about all I knew about Dennis outside of our meeting on Thursday nights.

I don't keep it a secret that I attend AA meetings and have for over 36 years. Even though we all know that death is inevitable we are shocked when it happens. Dennis was 68 and died of a massive heart attack at work.

My home group is an all men's meeting on Thursday nights called "As Men See It". It has a steady flow of new comers and relapsers which is normal for an AA group. 

There are several guys who have been there 20 years or from the beginning, Dennis was one of those founding "Old Timers" with 38 years of sobriety. I've been there for eight years but I feel new.

It's a very casual but serious meeting. The meeting has had a reputation for having fun and being a little irreverent. Many men have found a home there but a few men thought we aren't serious about AA so they started their own "serious"AA meeting.

We have been described as a social club and in a way we are but men find sponsors, work the steps and stick around. Odd Balls like me get sober and stay sober here. The room is filled with clear eyed, healthy and responsible, sober miracles.

Our meetings are focused on alcohol and they are anonymous so last names and outside issues are not discussed. Religion, politics and business are off of the table. A higher power, the steps and traditions, Big Book and our testimonies is the focus in our meetings.

We share how it was, what we did and how it is now. Sometimes a new guy dumps his heart out in an angry and tear filled drunk-a-log. Dennis would always show patients with a reassuring "you are in the right place".

Because we are a group of guys we haze each other but when the meeting starts it is all serious. Men do cry when dogs die and we care about the new guys who are struggling. Dennis was all of these wrapped in a giant Santa Claus bearded body.

The triangle on an AA coin says "Clean house, Trust God and Help others" This was how this man lived. I just left a meeting that usually has 10-15 men, tonight there were over 30. 

In one week the word got out to the community that Dennis had died and guys who had found other meetings or stopped coming for some reason were there to share in the loss of a friend. 

As the meeting went on I realized how much he had impacted the men in the room. He knew how to get under your skin but always knew when to check in. He spoke in actions and moments of deep concern sandwiched between loving but sometimes mean insults. But looking back even the mean insults had a purpose.

I understood Dennis and enjoyed giving him a ration of insults back. I love guys who can play this way and Dennis always went up to the edge but rarely over.  

I saw Dennis's heart, heard his story, learned from him and will dearly miss him.  It is weird to know a man so intimately, his fears, shame, hopes and heart but have no clue what his last name is, but that is the nature of AA.