four hundred twelve

 

WOMEN WOULD BE AMAZED AT WHAT MEN TALK ABOUT WHEN THEY ARE ALONE.

I love men's groups, I attend three men's AA meetings per week. I do this for a couple of reasons. One is, I'm a man with testosterone coursing through my veins. Meetings can have twenty men and only one woman and every man in the room is distracted. 

I don't know if it is invisible pheromones that unconsciously effect us, our male nature to find a suitable mate or men are just competitive by nature. 

I don't think most women understand their power. However some do and willfully participate in this distraction. Either way I want a clear focused mind when I am around a group of men.

I have heard from women that all men talk about is how women are the problem. They encourage each other to control their women and give pointers on how to do it. 

Certainly there are men an groups of men that talk this trash but no real man actually believes this. There maybe jokes and bragging but these conversations are quickly dismissed.

If a man criticizes a woman it is usually out of confusion because to a man women are very confusing. This is the spice that makes this whole thing work. If men and women were alike we would be nesting all of the time or having sex all of the time. These differences give us frustration but they also give us balance.

Think about the gay and lesbian communities gay men have a lot of sex with a lot of partners and lesbians move in together again and again. I know these are stereo types but stereo types come from somewhere.

The truth is most men feel inadequate. We don't feel like good husbands, good fathers, good friends or good men. We live in a world of posturing. We must be strong and confident so we act strong and confident. Most of us pull this off and live a life behind what we present to the world.

Men have rare opportunities like men's AA meetings to be honest about what is behind their mask. Opening up at these meetings takes time. A new person usually sits in amazement at what they hear. As men get more honest and trusting the truth comes out. Sometimes in tears but mostly in relief. These long kept secrets are welcomed by the group.

There is no judgment or criticism only words of encouragement and hugs. I'm not big on the hug thing but I'm coming around.

Stories of past mistakes, broken relationships with brothers, sisters and children are common. Loss of friends, parents, spouses and dogs bring tears to the room. These men are not showing weakness but strength.

Meetings always start with playful banter and teasing and end with playful banter and teasing. Between these these men have an hour of brutal honesty and truth. At times these are not easy truths they are straight foreword and blunt but men seem to respond to this, I know it works for me.

After years of this my secrets are less and less. What was shameful years ago are things I can now share freely. This helps other men let down their guard and be honest about their fears and short comings. 

Women communicate differently I make no claim to know what an all woman meeting is like. Mixed meetings are fine, I have learned a great deal from sober women. The magic that happens at men's meeting does not happen in other men's social meetings. 

Sports talk seems so empty now I want to talk about something real. As a man I have been fortunate to find this rare and special place. I'm sure this happens in other places and I know it happens one on one but a group of twenty or thirty men being honest and open is nothing short of a miracle.