four hundred fifteen

IT BEGINS

I'm a 1950's "Boomer", our parents thought it was cute and harmless back then to let us take a sip of their beer or wine. A sip here and there wouldn't hurt and for the majority of kids this was true. But for a small group of us it was only the beginning of a long journey. 

I'm not saying it caused anything but somehow many years later it became part of our qualifying share at an AA meeting. 

My point isn't that these occasional sips caused our alcoholism, alcohol was going to find us or we were going to find it one way or another.  

It's an age old question like, what came first the chicken or the egg? Is sexual preference hard wired or a choice? Am I fat because of genes or do I just love food? Was I born an alcoholic or did I drink too much? 

These and many other questions are debated everyday. Many questions like these are politically, emotionally and legally charged and I'm certain none of these can be settled in this blog post.

For me the question of alcohol can be answered easily. I was a guy who drank and many times drank too much but I wasn't an alcoholic until I caught it at an AA meeting. 

This didn't happen at the first meeting I was only exposed, it had to incubate. It took a few more meetings to learn enough to diagnose myself even though it was obvious to everyone else in the room. The danger is getting exposed just enough to be vaccinated to the real thing. I was fortunate to get the full dose.

The first step was to admit I was powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable. No one could help me do this. They could tell me their story and teach me what each word and punctuation meant but I had to figure this one out on my own. 

For some it is a quick surrender but for others it is a real wrestling match. Fortunately I was half way there because I was pretty beat up and tired of the fight.

I'll admit the "Doctors Opinion" threw me a bone. I discovered I was a victim because I have a disease! I made the mistake of bringing it up at my home group. One of my early mentors was grumpy Jim. He quickly pointed out with AA logic "If you shit your pants because you ate bad food or it was just poor planning on your part, you still need to change your pants." I miss Jim everyday, he had some original thoughts.

When did it start? What caused it? Who's fault was it? Was I born this way? All are valid questions but none of them really matter except one, what am I going to do about it? 

After that first step surrender and accepting Jim's wisdom I began the journey in earnest and haven't looked back. Blaming my past whether it is bad genes, bad people, tragic events, unfair circumstances or my own behavior will only  take me off of the path. 

I can sit in shit and ponder why, or change my pants.