two hundred eighty one

                                I'M FOREVER

           TWENTY SIX YEARS OLD

               ............IN MY HEAD

I don't have many pictures of the younger version of me, in fact I have very few pictures of me period. This one is from the 80's, I was in my mid-twenties. 

Even though I'm 70 years old I still look out through my thickening glasses and perceive the world around me as a twenty six year old. 

I can still jump, run, work a twenty hour day, lift heavy things and fight. The problem is the actual thought of jumping or running triggers an override in my brain that shorts out all physical attempts to do either because I have had a knee replaced.

Working long hours is possible but the recovery time can now take days. After a manual labor career my body is capable of efficiently moving large objects because I have learned to use it, but overpowering a heavy weight with pure muscle still seems a waste of energy.

As for the fighting I still have a great posturing bluff that has served me well, but I'm not sure I'm regarded as much of a physical threat. What I do have is the "old man card".

The majority of men fight over pride. Sometimes you are at the wrong place at the wrong time. There is little you can do if you are the what I call "it". I have been the victim of this a few times. 

When I was young I healed quickly so even a real thumping never made me miss a day of work. Today I think I may stay down for a lot longer.

The "old man card" works like this; if a fight is about ego, both parties need to be perceived as a trophy. Beating up children, women or old men is far from sporting in fact it is shameful. 

If you point this out and own the fact that you are and old man, he and his friends will see there is no upside to a victory. You lose a little pride but it usually ends in a good laugh.

This is a common conversation I have with friends my age. We laugh about it but none of us are happy about this fact.

A few weeks ago I was walking out of Costco towards my truck when a woman driving by stopped, rolled down her window and asked if I needed help finding my car. I thought what the hell do I look that pathetic and lost?

I have had several young women offer to help load a heavy suit case in the past couple of years, but last week I had an older woman say," Let me load that it's too heavy for you". She weighed about 110 pounds.

I loaded them after I pressed each suitcase over my head five or six times. I think she got the point or she thinks I'm crazy.

I had an eighty year old lady hit on me. She was pretty up front about it. She said the men her age were dead and life is short. I was at a loss for words so I just smiled.

Another day I stopped to answer a phone call during a bike ride when a very nice woman stopped to see if I was having a stroke or heart attack. Bless her heart for her kindness but my ego felt like I had had my testicles removed.

This is just life I understand that, but I don't have to like it. All I know is I'm going to get up everyday and do the drill, what other choice do I have?

There is a choice but I refuse to stop living a full life. I want to do what I have a passion for as long as I can, after all I am only 26.