three hundred sixty

SECRET HIDEOUTS

Every boy wants a secret hideout. It's a place for boys to fart, play with matches, tell dirty jokes, practice swear words and spitting, smoke a cigarette smuggled out of a parents pack, look at a Playboy magazine found under an older brother’s mattress or drink a beer stolen from the corner store. 

The first neighborhood secret club I remember was when I was around six or seven. Mrs England our widow next door neighbor lived in a large two story victorian house surrounded with large Rhododendron bushes. Between her house and the bushes created a really cool place to hide. We had a secret place where no-one could see us. 

Little boys pee everywhere so it was naturally a great place to pee. The secret lasted until my mother told me at dinner that Mrs England called and wants us to stop peeing in her bushes, busted.

In spite of this we continued to hide out in her bushes. One day I went to the spot we designated as our peeing area. As I started to pee I heard a tapping noise so I looked up. There she was looking right at me as she shook her finger. Unfortunately the spot we picked to pee was directly under her bay window. That was our last day in that spot.

Another spot was near my great grandparents house. There was an A&P grocery store next door. The parking lot was built on a spoil pile from an old coal mine. We discovered it was easy to dig a cave under the black top. Over the summer it grew larger and more elaborate. It was in a place it would not flood. Most of our cave dwellings lasted until the first hard rain.

Because it was on the edge of the parking lot no one noticed it because no one parked over it. One day an employee drove his new pickup truck to work. To avoid door dings he parked on the edge of the parking lot directly over our cave. By lunch time the blacktop had heated in the hot summer sun and the truck dropped into the hole. 

It made the news paper and every kid in the neighborhood was questioned. No one squealed, an early test of the snitches get stitches rule.

We built huts with straw bails. We built plenty of temporary shelters in the woods because they are really temporary. 

We found a shack deep in the woods. We assumed it was abandoned but it had hundreds of empty white port wine bottles in piles. There were a couple of chairs and random junk. It was a great place to get warm and hang out. 

One Saturday morning we met at the shack to find Al Gallespie the local town drunk passed out on the floor. At first we thought he was dead but he woke up yelling. So much for our secret hideout.

We lived on a wooded lot next to an apple orchard. There was a large Oak tree on the tree line. I'm not sure how it happened but my dad out of the blue offered to build a tree house. This was out of character for my dad I usually had to bug him about letting me build something. 

Looking back I think my dad was tapping into his own childhood fantasy. He grew up during the depression so as a child he had to work. One job he told me about was digging through the shale piles that came out of the Pennsylvania coal mines to find the small lumps of coal they had missed. I know he didn't have the care free childhood I experienced.

He used the excuse that he wanted to make sure it was safe but he sure had a twinkle in his eye and smile on his face. The platform was 35 feet off of the ground. It had a trap door entrance. Two wooden ladders were lashed to the tree trunk to climb the tree safely. By todays standards this would be child endangerment. 

I think because of the danger nobody ever got hurt, Rolf and I slept in it many summer nights. Climbing the ladder was frightening at night so we usually went up at dusk and didn't come down until morning. I spent many hours watching the leaves, birds and clouds.  

I grew older and lost interest in my tree house. I had discovered cars and girls so my hiding place shifted to my car. The ladders had been taken down to store in the shed to get them out of the weather. Years after I moved out, on a visit I noticed what was left of my tree house. I climbed the tree one last time to take it down. 

My father had passed away so the memories of our time working on our treehouse came rushing back. Of all of my secret hideouts this was the best, that includes my cars. 

Tree houses still fascinate me. I could see living in one someday. I have a coffee table book of amazing tree houses from around the world. I turn into a little boy again every time I look through it. 

Wish list...link  link link

three hundred fifty nine

GHOULARDI  

Video link...TURN BLUE-THE SHORT LIFE OF GHOULARDI

I was born and raised in Ohio. I lived on the Ohio side of the West Virginia and Pennsylvania border about 60 miles from Pittsburg and 60 miles from Cleveland. 

In 1963 I was twelve years old. Television was still black and white, there were only five VHF channels and five UHF channels depending on the quality of your antenna. Because of the mountains around Pittsburg most powerful VHF stations were out of Cleveland. Their local news, weather and sports broadcasts made us feel like we were living in Cleveland. Even the radio stations we listen to were out of Cleveland. 

Most television stations shut down their transmitters and signed off after the late news. In 1957 Universal released a collection of 52 cheesy horror movies from the 1930's. The package was called Shock Theater. Across the country local stations created movie hosts to expand their late night broadcasting hours. 

These movies were really bad but new to television audiences. WJW-TV8 tried running them with little success. In 1963 Ernie Anderson was under contract as an ABC booth announcer. Previously he had been fired from other jobs for his rule breaking behavior. He had made fun of a sponsor for being in a barber shop quartet, made on air comments about management and rode his motorcycle through the station and into the managers office.

He already had a successful gig as an announcer but for seventy five more bucks he took on the job. He created a character called Ghoulardi a weirdo beatnik professor. Because of the late hour management ignored what they were doing so they had the freedom to do just about anything. 

I was 11 years old when I first saw Ghoulardi, I had to sneak down the creaky wooden stairs to the living room. We were renting an old two story house while our new house was being built. The Beetles were on Ed Sullivan but to an eleven year old a guy blowing things up on live TV was way cooler.

Within weeks the need to see Ghoulardi at eleven o'clock on Friday night was every kids priority. We slept at anyones house who had cool or unaware parents so we could see what this guy was going to do next. If you missed it you were out of the loop because everyone was talking about it. He was like our cool uncle who said and did things our parents would not approve.

One Friday I had a friend over so we were secretly watching Ghoulardi. My dad walked in, he watched the first few minutes, shook his head and then went to bed. Finally I was free to watch at home. 

The show became a local phenomenon with kids. After Shock Theater he ran the original Buck Rogers series. This took cheesy to a new level. He mocked the movies, edited himself into scenes and spent most of his time opening fan mail and doing bits.

We had our own language, the center chest salute from Buck Rogers and a collective urge to rebel. Ghoulardi was a beatnik, he hated rock and roll, loved big band music and believed in pure freedom. I think I got some of my question authority from him. I unfortunately got my "hold my beer and watch this" attitude from him too. 

He made fun of Parma, a Polish suburb of Cleveland. The city leaders were irritated but the younger residents took it on as an identity. Frank Yankovich Polka Varieties, Polish festivals and pink flamingos, Parma took pride in being a Polish village. 

Frank Yankovich had a Saturday program with fifty blue collar polka dancers. Live music, dancing and a lot of off camera drinking. When the red camera light came on they all crashed into each other to get in the camera frame. I watched it just for that. 

Today if I notice a guy wearing white socks I laugh to myself, that was a Ghoulardi inside Parma joke from over fifty years ago. In high school I went to Parma for a high school basketball tournament, the whole school was wearing white socks as a symbol of pride and solidarity. 

The Parma Mayor and a few Councilmen claimed the city was offended but the average Parma citizen embraced the joke and ran with it. Parma Place was an ongoing spoof based on Payton Place with a Polish twist and a Polish western called The Kielbasa Kid, both written by the producer Charles Schodowski.

Today any hint of ethnic humor is frowned on. Sure a few got their feathers ruffled but we knew the difference between a joke and a real insult. People still know the difference but being the victim is the new way of demanding attention. Fortunately most spoiled children grow out of this.

These were the days of Pollock jokes. His were focused on silly habits,  unusual customs and their fashion sense but never about their hygiene, morals or intelligence. Todays humor is mean, saying someone is ugly, stupid and immoral is just a cover for hurtful personal insults. I think Pollock jokes needed to go away, they got highjacked and became mean spirited cruel and degrading insults. 

Ghoulardi reached out into the community. They raised a quarter of a million dollars for kids who needed operations, families in crisis and other local causes. They played other stations, news papers, schools, city officials, police, firemen and social clubs. Rumors that alcohol was occasionally consumed led them to have an official team bus equipped with a sober driver.

The city embraced his antics but management tolerated it because of the 27 share rating, the network Tonight Show only had a 7. They tried to rein him in but he owned the city. 

The Ghoulardi show was only on the air for three and a half years before Ernie got bored and got his break in Hollywood. Ernie’s former partner Tim Conway cleared the way to get him very lucrative voice over work. Ernie was finally using his real gift, his voice. 

The show was handed over to Houlihan and Big Chuck, then Big Chuck and Little John and then a failed attempt to remake the Ghoulardi show by his son. Eventually network programing took over, it was the end of an era.

Drew Carry who is from Cleveland used the local humor in his popular Drew Carry Show. If you weren't from the Cleveland area you didn't get some of his jokes. From the Ghoulardi shirt, Cleveland Browns and Indians inside jokes, cracks about Pittsburg, foods, drinking styles and the backyard pool table all were things you only see in Cleveland.

Like any home town there are traditions, inside jokes, ethnic influences  and local personalities. Comedians and media regularly use Cleveland as a punch line and the brunt of jokes, most of then are mean spirited insults. I take great pride in being from the Cleveland area because I know the character of the people.

Cleveland is a diverse community with a cross section of America. The rich cultures, community traditions and endless loyalty to three average sports franchises. The Ghoulardi phenomenon was as much a product of the city as it was an influence. Ghoulardi in all of his weirdness understood and revered Cleveland.

Reading about and remembering my years with Ghoulardi made me think about how much I was effected. I also wonder how much he revealed that was already there.

My work ethic, sense of irreverent humor, my need to question authority and a sense of duty to keep my promises and help people came from somewhere. Under the surface the Ghoulardi family had Midwest values with a coating of crazy. We all got a dose from simply identifying with the Cleveland community.

As children we were raised on Captain Penny and Barnaby watching Popeye cartoons, the Three Stooges and Little Rascals. As we entered adolescence Ghoulardi was way cooler but he still understood he was influencing kids. 

Under all of the outrageousness Ernie Anderson had a moral compass. No he wasn't a wise teacher or inspiring leader he was a grown man having fun. As a kid it gave me hope that growing up was not as boring as I thought it would be. The world needs a Tyler Durden, Big Lebowski and Ghoulardi to make life interesting. 

The sense of community we had in the 60s and 70s crossed all ethnic, racial and economic lines we were all Americans and we were from Cleveland. I'm hoping we can get back to again feeling like a family, weird cool uncles and all.

TURN BLUE!

More video links  1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

three hundred fifty eight

DARK SKY

Throughout man's history the sun, moon and stars have dictated our outdoor activity. When the sun rose we began our day and when the sun set we ended our day. Out of our shelters the only source of light were the stars and moon. The dark star filled sky above them caused them to ponder the vastness of the universe. 

Stars were used for navigation, worship and determining the seasons.  Comets, meteor showers and eclipses were witnessed by everyone. Today we may have an App on our phone to tell us exactly when and where these things will happen, but we rarely take the time.

The use of fire gave warmth, food preparation and light but it was limited to one central location.

Torches were created by using animal fats and some tree extracts. This made them mobile but they were still very limited.

Oil lamps had both mobility and duration, most used olive oil.

Candles were used and are still popular. Early candles were created using animal tallow and bees wax. Today there is an entire industry but most candles are used for atmosphere and special occasions. Even candles have been replaced by battery operated candles to limit indoor pollution.

Kerosene lamps are adjustable, mobil and long lasting. I have camped with one many times. I had a collection of the indoor style. In the winter they can actually heat a small room.

  

Along came the electric grid, indoor lighting soon was in the majority of homes. The incandescent light bulb allowed industry to operate twenty four hours a day. Even areas without access to the electric grid may have solar panels, long lasting batteries and converters.  

The original use of light was focused on our indoor use. Outdoor lighting was on porches to see who was at the door or find the key hole.

Street lights were common in larger cities but they were simply to see where we are going. I lived in the country when there were no outdoor lights at all. Finally a neighbor put a Mercury Vapor security light in his front yard, I hated that thing. One stupid light ruined my night time view of the stars.

Soon everyone had one of these lighting their back yards like a football stadium. Street lights turned night to day. Car headlights became brighter and brighter and flashlights got into a lumen war. What's next night time light protection lotion?

 Cities are lighted so much many people are completely unaware that there are stars. This is good for safety and night time activities but I don't believe man being so separated from the majesty of the night time sky is healthy for our souls.

The view of the US from space reveals how civilization has embraced lighting. It must be a beautiful sight from the International Space Station but from earth we only see the limited world around us. 

I recently found a Dark Sky app that maps out the places on the earth not effected by light pollution. If you look closely at the east half of the country there is very little "Dark Sky". 

On my trips across the country I found many star filled nights. Sleeping under the stars is my all time favorite. In fact I rarely have a campfire because it ruins my night vision. If I have my short wave radio I'm away from electronic noise. 

I can spend hours pondering the universe while scanning international broadcasts. I once tuned into a shortwave transmission from the International Space Station while I could see it streak through the heavens. 

I get a kick out of fine tuning a SSB ham radio signal from half way around the world. This doesn't seem like a big deal today now that we have the internet, if I knew his phone number I could just call him on my cell phone.  

This was a passion of mine when I lived in the country but living in the city there is just too much electronic background noise. Most of this noise is from the newer energy saving light bulbs.

Fortunately I live only 20 or 30 miles from an ideal dark sky area. I plan to do a few nights in an isolated spot, drinking coffee, scanning the radio bands and pondering the mystery of the universe. 

I will find a perfect clear no moon meteor shower night. I'll take my scooter, camp chair, radio, monocular, camp stove and sleeping bag. I will also take a red head lamp so I can read my Bible and ponder his words.........

God put all of this above us as proof of his existence and power. It is good to know how insignificant we are in the whole scheme of things. 

Without occasionally acknowledging where we stand, we can forget and focus on our meaningless differences. It is good for a man to feel how truly small he is. 

We can also ponder how the same God who created all of this as an afterthought cares enough about us that he listens to our individual prayers. 

Being away from all distraction, prayer is easier. I can not only pray, I can stop and quietly listen for his answers.