three hundred seven
three hundred five
ORDER IS SOOTHING
This was my world for almost 40 years, order was the goal everyday.
The idea of arranging pieces of dead animals in an appealing display at a reasonable price for homemakers to purchase to feed to their families that eventually processed into shit was how I paid my bills. I have no buildings, bridges or inventions to claim, everything I did turned into actual shit. I know this is a blunt statement but bottom line that is what I did.
Enduring cold, working with sharp objects, the steady march of code dates, power mad inspectors, rude customers, back stabbing middle management and repeating the same ritual day, after day, after day, after day was about it.
Now that I have depressed you there was a bright side. I learned how soothing order can be. As I arrived each morning I surveyed the damage from the day before. I would start again not skipping a step. Each step was vital as I reconstructed the perfect display.
Outguessing the public is a fools errand but a "computer assisted" ordering system, warehouse screw ups, special holiday orders, the weather and "dog and pony show" visits from corporate were also part of the fun. It was a combination of traffic controller, jigsaw puzzle champ, fortune teller and weather man.
In the midst of chaos I found those moments when the case was full, fresh, properly signed, on schematic and in code. Every package was aligned, the garnish was fresh, the glass and countertops were spotless and everyone was on time ready to work and in proper dress code. For that one brief moment everything was perfect.
Then, in the blink of an eye, one sweet little old lady would appear. With some strange super power she could in one pass move, flip, poke and destroy my perfect work of art.
Allis-Chalmers CA built in the 1950's
I had four acres of lawn/field that I kept mowed in Ohio. I had a small farm tractor with a brush hog mower that was shaft driven from the power take off. I restored it with new paint, rubber parts, a tuneup and the original decals.The hours and hours of mowing these fields would last until dusk. I would sit on the front stoop with a glass of sun tea smelling the fresh cut grass and admiring the perfect pattern of my wheels. After 30 minutes it was dark.
I would eat, sleep and leave for work before sunrise to return to see the spring rain had produced four inches of new grass/weeds.
There are many things in life that are like this. I shave my head and have for around three decades. Every two to four days I shave my head but it is only perfect for about four hours.
We wash dishes, sweep floors, wash windows, wash cars, shovel snow, dust, do laundry, mow lawns, shower, eat and sleep. No awards, fan fare, parades or trophy, only the satisfaction of doing it to the best of our ability.
I did not fall into the trap of resenting my employer. I worked for some real characters in some very miserable conditions but I agreed to work for the wage they offered and always had the choice to stay or leave.
The economy was bad, good jobs were scarce and inflation was as bad as today. I worked the jobs I could find but I was never oppressed, a servant or a slave. I was a man in a working agreement to do a task for an agreed wage, nothing more and nothing less.
I found that pride that he talked about, I took pride in my work and always tried to do it well, I was my own man. The secret I had discovered was not to expect praise or recognition. I had higher expectations for my performance then my employer. This insulated me from their criticism.
I wrote this post because of a conversation I had with a group of men. A few were whining about how they hated their jobs because they were not getting recognition for their hard work. I guess I sound heartless because I asked if they had been paid for their work and when they said yes I asked them if they were waiting for a hug to go with it.
Maybe I'm old school, not woke and out of touch but I survived a life of toil and sweat with very few resentments. I have a few regrets about my choices but they were my choices.
I still seek that precious moment when everything is in order, clean, fresh, spotless and perfect. If my external world is in order somehow my mind, body and spirit are also in order.......
....but I could have more issues.
three hundred four
three hundred three
three hundred two
three hundred one
The world wide web isn't the Wild West as it was in the beginning. There are powers trying to control the flow of information but the Genie is out of the bottle. With a little effort and a desire to find information the truth is still out there.
First you need to ask yourself the question, do I want to know what is actually true or do I want to settle for my truth or what I want to be true.
three hundred
My parents were part of possibly the last generation that saved their money to buy things. Today we don't look in our savings account, that is if we even have one, instead we check our credit line.
My parents were shaped by the depression and the Second World War. After the war, the returning soldiers got married and began to build the American dream.
My Dad built the small house I was raised in. He worked full time as a machinist, rented a room from a relative and spent his off time salvaging materials from a two story house he had contracted to demolish to make room for the new high school.
He saved everything, lumber, windows, nails, doors and whatever he could reuse to build our tiny house. He did all of this with the help of an eccentric local farmer named Drexel Harris.
Drexel still farmed with horses so my Dad scooped out the tiny basement and graded the hillside lot using his horses. He built the house himself as he got the money and never borrowed a dime.
I'm one of the sixties rebels who rebelled and questioned the social and moral norms. Music, fast cars and the sexual revolution, that I am grateful I missed, and a new way to feed our impulsive wants, revolving credit.
Living up to and beyond our means with a line of credit was becoming normal. I was responsible in the beginning but later on I dabbled in high interest credit card debt. This was partly because of circumstances but for decades I lived under a cloud of these plastic taskmasters.
I have righted the ship and have things under control but I still don't own a home or anything building equity. I do however have an excellent 816 credit rating (whatever that means) and a long line of credit waiting in the shaddows for another weak moment.
I fought with my parents over this issue like most kids. I bought new cars, had the latest toys and refused to live by a budget. I paid my bills but investments and compounding interest would have ment a very comfortable retirement.
"I have enough" and "simplify, simplify, simplify" have been a guiding principle for much of my life. I have learned to be creative with what I have, avoid giving a damn what the cool kids think and living below my means.
My bike trips have taught me the adventure gets better when I have less money to spend. I would not camp as often or cook as much if I could stay in nice motels, eat in restaurants and get massages.
Connecting with people is now my goal so asking for permission from a farmer to camp in a pasture or asking the local police about a safe place where they "don't look" is much more interesting then negotiating with a motel office employee.
I have shared meals with hungry strangers along the road. We usually combine whatever ingredients we have to create a unique hobo stew. I love that I have a humble bicycle rig. I have learned what I really need and what I really don't need.
Perhaps this has nothing to do with how smart or wise I am it is how this mode of travel has made me learn this. My mistakes have forced me to change, I take no credit for this other then my initial selfcentered mistakes.
I doubt I have a unique story. This younger generation is living the life they will learn with and hopefully they will move on to the life they will live. I'm just grateful I survived my stupid past.
If you can keep wealth in perspective I admire you. Many if not most have learned these things the easy way. Unfortunately that has never been my style.
two hundred ninety nine
two hundred ninety eight
two hundred ninety seven
MORNING RANT
To the best of my ability I try to say exactly what I mean. Yes I'm a hypocrite at times, I'm human, but when it is pointed out I own it.
My defects of character are a moving target, I claim progress not perfection. In my arguments I think about the words I use.
I do this because my ability to manipulate is the character defect I hate the most. I can turn on my BS machine to get my way and make you believe it is your idea. I have and ability to charm my way out of problems and avoid consequences.
In my dark past I used whatever it took to get my way and keep my"nice guy" image. I am profoundly ashamed of my past behavior. This is a vital part of my journey to find serenity.
After 31 years of sobriety turning on my BS power to manipulate others feels unnatural but manipulating myself is much harder to detect. That is why I rely on other recovering friends to call me out on this.
One upside of this character defect is the ability to see these tactics in others. I value straight talk even if I don't agree with what is said. Clarity is more important then agreeing, but to debate, discuss or argue seems to be a lost art.
Any level of discussion seems to derail quickly. The focus on winning a debate by discrediting or demeaning the opponent has taken the place of arguing with facts or ideas.
Skin color, sex or sexual preference, age, profession, education, accent, religious belief or non belief, political affiliation or philosophy, accent, social standing or any perceived flaw is fair game.
The search to find a perceived flaw to discredit the person is common today. Everyone says something I agree with and something I disagree with. The all or nothing tactic is simply a cheap manipulative tool.
One misspoken word, wrong action or opinion no matter how long ago or the circumstance, whether it is true or not is used to cancel an entire person. I thought the Puritans were a tough crowd but compared to the "cancel culture mob" they seem reasonable.
Guilt by association is another all too common tactic. Find or create a member of any group that has an extreme opinion or looks funny to taint the entire group or movement. No real facts are required just a sound bite or picture and a caption. Truth has little to do with this just winning at all cost matters.
Todays conversations focus on implied associations, defining or redefining words and assigning motives to ideas.
Debate today is more of a talking point, discrediting and insult war, ideas and facts need not apply. Selective or made up"Facts" and Science" are used as clubs, all past behavior is fair game and victim status is a wild card.
Occasionally I find someone who actually wants to learn something. They are open to new ideas, they want to know more facts and entertain the option to change their mind. Unfortunately they are just sitting ducks for the skilled insult artist disguised as leaders, experts or scholars.
Navigating the "woke" minefield, never admitting wrong and adopting the latest fashionable outrage or guilt. An honest question, opinion or misdirected attitude can cause you to lose a job, career, friends and livelihood.
I'm retired now and don't have to lose sleep over being politically correct. I have this blog to talk about my ideas. It is as political as I get. My personal politics are personal but if you want to know, ask me.
Please please please don't imply my motives, redefine my words or assign me to a group. I would love to hear what YOU think so I won't do those things to you.