In between morgue scenes we watch commercials about anti aging treatments, miracle life saving drugs and burial insurance.
Morgue scenes have become longer with running dialog about the victim, conversations with the cadaver, sharing feelings and a twisted gallows humor. The new guy leaving the room to throw up gets a group chuckle. Special effects have become so realistic I imagine they don't want to let them go to waste.
Movies about civilization ending epidemics, man made weather apocalypse, war, serial crime and zombies. It's bad enough you are dead but you have a craving for the taste of brains.
Blood and guts have become a form of special effects art. The new headshot blood mist was nominated for an award. The days of biting a blood pill are out of fashion, slow motion impact with brain matter on the wall and on everyone's face is the new standard.
Swat teams, Navy SEALS and police shoot dozens of bad guys with a new twist. Now in the heat of the action these steely eyed killers exchange their feelings like middle school girls. "Do you think she likes me?" Bang Bang Crash Boom, "Should I ask her out?" Boom Bang Bang Boom!
All of this while we enjoy a cold soft drink and munch on potato chips. After decades of this death has been played out in our living rooms hundreds if not thousands of times. We see it so much we subconsciously form a plan to avoid it.
Don't go to big cities or small midwest towns (depending on your political affiliation). Don't eat meat, saturated fats or anything with flavor. Avoid direct sun, tap water and never be the new guy on a Star Trek landing party.
Physical death has been a cloud over mankind from the beginning. That small voice in our head that most try to drown out by filling their lives with entertainment, numbing agents like drugs or alcohol but mostly rationalization and denial. Like animals most humans are focused on avoiding pain and suffering.
We euthanize our pets as an act of mercy. Many feel humans are only animals so suicide is now legal in several countries and eleven American states. Doctor Jack Kevorkian was considered a monster a few decades ago but today he is a medical pioneer. It has been a steep slide from his panel van of death to government funded "medical" facilities.
Soylent Green, a movie made in 1973 was prophetic in it's portrayal of life in the year 2022. Inflation, food and energy shortages, an elite ruling class vs citizens and government promoted suicide centers for the depressed and elderly. It is a disturbing movie to watch because of the many similarities to today.
I'm pointing this out because we have been conditioned to value our physical life over everything else. Today men and women in pop culture use every possible medical, pharmaceutical, nutritional, extreme workouts and cleanses to preserve their beauty and sexuality. There are sad examples of this on unwatchable award shows.
Beauty and fitness are in fashion today. A mere 175 years ago when most in the common class died in their forties after a life of sun up to sundown hard work. Simply living day to day was their only concern. The quest for beauty and virility was left to an elite few. This has been true throughout most history.
Cleopatra's sour donkey milk baths, I assume the flowers were added to mask the smell.
The Spanish quest for the fountain of youth.
The elaborate preparations for the Egyptian Pharaoh's afterlife.
Many cultures like the Ming Dynasty value male virility as a leadership quality. There was a world wide search for effective aphrodisiacs. I was going to limit this to leaders in history but I imagine there is no shortage of blue pills in Washington DC.
As I age I see my unavoidable mortality. Today we have a 76 year life expectancy. Expectancy is an interesting word, as a child we heard everything as a promise, I think as an old guy I hear expectancy in a similar way. Unfortunately life is not a commodity that we can rely on or save, living is a temporary and fragile experience.
The definition of physical death is; The irreversible cessation of all vital functions especially as indicated by the permanent stoppage of the heart, respiratory and brain action.
This is considered the end by many so living a life of comfort and pleasure makes the most sense. Eat, drink and be merry is their primary focus.
Some are paralyzed in fear of the unknown so they hold on to this life with all of their might to avoid the waiting darkness. Sadly they spend their lives hiding from life.
A few see beyond this physical life with a vague picture of a future floating in a cosmic stew of enlightened spirits. That's a nice idea but I need a little more certainty.
I'm a Christian. I listened to what Peter said at Pentecost when he explained the terms of God's covenant. He explained who Jesus was according the the scriptures, that we had killed him and that he had come back from death and was alive again.
After he said this he was asked by the crowd, "Brothers what shall we do?" He said,"Repent and be baptized, everyone of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins can be forgiven. And you will receive the Holy Spirit. This promise is for you and your children and for those who are far off and all who the Lord will call." Acts 2:38
After that about three thousand were added to their numbers. I did not join a particular brand name church or organization I was simply added to that same three thousand.
I know it sounds strange, confusing, old fashioned and very churchy. I was not sure what it meant other then my life was unmanageable and I needed help. I was young so death was not the main issue. I had another childhood friend die suddenly in an auto accident so I knew it was possible. I had a child, lost my job and drank too much. A man named Kieth Wise told me about his life before and after he followed Peters directions so initially I put my faith in what he said.
Yes it was blind faith as I stepped into the water and said the words. There was no parade, fanfare or party. In fact I was laughed at, looked at like a fool, was criticized by my family and was not taken seriously. I kept reading to understand what I had done. I had no regrets because something very powerful had happened to me.
The next years I immersed myself in everything to learn more about Jesus. I was all in. Sure I found hypocrisy and division when I looked only at people but I realized they were real people like me. I learned to love them and instead of criticizing I chose to help them. I learned loving with a pure heart is more effective then a smart mouth.
I dug deeper and deeper to understand everything. I was not known as a lemming, I questioned everything like I still do. Preachers and teachers encouraged me to seek the truth myself and not to blindly trust what they said. They helped me realize we were all on the same journey.
I can identify with doubting Thomas, I will admit I needed proof. No I did not put my fingers in the holes in his hands but my doubts were satisfied by answered prayers and witnessing changed lives, one being my own.
Finally I found what I was looking for. I found a peace that I can't explain, the nagging eternal questions were quieted and I found like minded people who would take a bullet for me. Yes, men who would sacrifice their lives for me.
Years passed and I made a choice that I thought was the right one but it did not go as I had hoped and I was separated from everything I loved. To deal with the loneliness and heartbreak I made a bad choice and returned to drinking to numb the pain. I stopped praying and went into a dark spiral of isolation and loneliness. That small voice was still there but I could not hear it.
Eventually I experienced what some call a God shot. I was hiking in the Superstition Wilderness. This is a massive desert reserve near Phoenix. It was summer so the trails would be completely deserted because of the extreme high temperatures. I hiked in alone for a planned three day hike, without alcohol. I camped on Black Top Mesa, an isolated spot very few people knew about because it was off trail and difficult to get to.
There was no moon an I was far from the city. The dry desert air does not reflect city light so the sky was pitch black and filled with a billion stars. It was so quiet I could hear my cigarette burning as I drew in. I sat there pondering the universe and made a conscious effort to feel something. My heart was heavy, my throat had a lump and my eyes welled up. I felt a cry coming on but it would not happen for years, I had successfully shut off all of my feelings both good and bad.
I sat there with an ache in my soul and quietly heard a voice. I'm not saying it was a voice I could hear with my ears but I could hear it clearly. "It is good you are close to me but you need to be close to my people".
A feeling of peace came over me as I heard these words in my heart and head. For the first time in a long time I slept soundly without a drink. I'm not saying I changed immediately but it started my journey back. In that moment I didn't understand I had more suffering in store before I would truly understand those words. I did realize through all of my isolation I never would be alone.
Since that night in the desert much has happened, perhaps I will write about it someday.
Today I have been a Christian for 43 years and sober for 32 years. A few weeks ago this night in the desert came back into my thoughts.
I was in a 7:00 am Sunday men's AA meeting. As I looked around the room I realized I knew every man's name and had had a meaningful conversation with most of them. A couple I know well enough to call them my closest friends. I trust them and feel free to admit my fears and share my most hidden thoughts and feelings. I talk with them almost daily. I thought about the years of loneliness while I was surrounded by people. I realized I had it all wrong for many years.
The meeting ended, we talked, laughed and said goodbye. As I was riding home I remembered the words I had heard on Black Top Mesa and realized this was what God was talking about. I am close to God and close to his people. Why did it take so long to understand this?
There are men in the rooms facing life threatening health issues. Now that I'm older myself I think about my own mortality. I do have a peace in my heart because I know God is faithful to his promises.
I have shifted my focus to his promise that I will overcome death like Jesus. I know I will face physical death but I am certain it is not the end. The afterlife has been kept a secret so I don't try to figure it out, I simply trust I will be alive.
My faith has been tested, not by my faithfulness but for my lack of faithfulness. I walked away for a long time but God never ever walked away from me. All I had to do was open my heart again.
We have a choice to live our lives or fear death, I choose to live my life. This is what the beginning quote means. Life is to be lived to the fullest and by fullest I mean with other people. I don't hear God's voice like I did in the desert but I do hear him through my friends.
As I look at the people around me I don't wonder if they would give up their lives for me I look inward to ask if I would give up my life for theirs. The question now is how tightly do I hold onto life, do I live it or save it at all cost?
An un-lived or wasted life is a sad thing, how we live it is what matters.
