Really big circles

three hundred thirty four

There is a war going on today, it is not a new war it is the oldest war. Good vs evil began in the garden when man chose to rebel. For most of the history of man the line between good vs evil seemed to be clear but in the past century it has become blurred.

The frog in a pot of water is a valid illustration. The frog enjoys the water in the pot as it is slowly heated. He will stay in the pot until it boils. If you dropped the same frog in a pot of scalding water he would immediately jump out. Western civilization particularly the United States of America has been soaking in a pot of water and it's about to boil.

The past half century has accelerated this at an alarming pace. Sure the speed of technology and the growth of social media are a factor but abandoning our moral compass is the main reason. We have become a narcissistic society seeking a self serving comfortable lifestyle. We have abandoned self sacrifice, a sense if duty or honor and have developed an unquenchable sense if entitlement.

Don't get me wrong I'm not holding the high ground, these behaviors and attitudes have caused a great deal of wreckage in my life and the people around me. My greatest regret is the damage I have done to a relationship with my amazing daughters.

We are flawed people with scars and open wounds. We can rationalize them, ignore them or numb ourselves by drowning them in entertainment, hatred, self pity or substance abuse.

Violence, addiction, depression and self harm are at an all time high even though we are living in the most prosperous and free society on the planet. We can over consume, over indulge and rely on government to take care of our needs. A work ethic, a drive to grow a family, build things and owning something to pass on to our children has taken a back seat.

Society now values victimhood, revenge and selfishness. I cannot listen to politicians or the media because they never stress the hard truth of personal responsibility. In the past at least they gave it lip service but now they mock it out loud. Those who stress these things are mocked and branded as uncaring haters.

Mega church worship

Church attendance is at an all time low and the churches that do have audiences are focused on entertainment. They have adopted this approach to survive but many have stopped telling people the harder teachings in order not to offend.

Like all nonprofit organizations, charities and foundations enjoy special tax breaks. There is legislation being passed that may empower the IRS to remove the tax exempt status of some religious organizations. Churches since our founding have built hospitals, drug and alcohol rehabs, food banks, adoption services, inner city missions for the poor and countless other charitable services.

If this does happen I believe they will target specific nonprofits that do not conform to the ever evolving popular woke standards. Many main stream religious organizations have already complied with these new standards for survival but I believe there will be a remnant who do not.

Woke Jesus

They will be mocked and labeled as haters and fanatics. Much of this is happening now but with this new power of government they might face bankruptcy, fines and imprisonment. The irony is the remnant may be the frogs who jumped out of the pot the moment the fire was lighted.

I hear gloom an doom about the events of our world. We constantly hear, If we don't vote a certain way it is the end of freedom or democracy. If this law passes our freedoms are gone. Our history is being rewritten, our privacy invaded and our speech censored. All of these matter but beyond all of this even if the worst possible thing happens there will always be a remnant.

Church Hierarchy

Thru-out Hebrew history no matter how hopeless things looked for Israel, there was always a remnant of believers who stayed loyal to God. I do not think God or believers are any different today.

Early on I was confused about who or what to believe because of the many divisions in the Church. I think at the time there were 1500 different denominations and I'm sure there are many more today. I researched many of them and found clear differences in their mission statements and doctrines.

Most took spreading the good news seriously, but as interest decreased some used marketing, sales tactics, entertainment, the prosperity doctrine and an easier softer message. With a narrow focus on attendance, they built more elaborate buildings and grew a large organization around a charismatic leader.

Prosperity Doctrine

I was confused by all of this because the message seemed watered down. I searched on my own to find the message and found the covenant God was offering directly to me. The door opened a little and I began to understand a relationship God required a lot more then just closing my eyes when I pray, regular attendance and throwing a few bucks in the basket.

I was finding so many differences I began to strip off everything "Churchy". I found that a lot of worship is based on man made doctrines and tradition. Many people have studied the scriptures before me and I value their insights and wisdom, but sometimes they have developed a following of their own shadowing the real message. I also see the value of practicing tradition but not when they become requirements for access to God.

I also looked into prayer, healing, prosperity and promises. It confused me when someone with a large following was preaching a sure fire formula prayer to petition God. God's on demand participation in an on stage demonstration did not make sense.

Showman Faith Healer in Akron Ohio

I believe God can do anything, he can bless us with prosperity, heal or bodies and give us great teachers but in his own time and in his own way. I don't think holding a crucifix, reciting a formula prayer or worshiping a man with a blue suit or a pointy hat can actually control what God will do. We can ask but I think it is foolish to think we can twist his arm.

I have personally experienced and witnessed what can only be described as miracles. I also saw people who were devout believers who still suffered disease, tragedy and heartbreak. Did they lack the faith to avoid these things, were they not chosen, were they saying their prayers wrong, maybe they didn't buy the right holy trinket or maybe they belonged to the wrong denomination?

What I did find was the covenant he offers to everyone. It was offered directly to me not to an organization. God set the terms of the agreement, detailed his promises if I was faithful and warned of the curses if I fell short. He also promised he was going to help me keep my end of the deal if I just ask. He didn't promise to fix my problems or make my life easy. He did promise persecution and I will never again be alone even after this life. In addition I am required to study his words, have an ongoing conversation with him and share my experience with others.

If this covenant was offered through an organization it could get confusing. If I am in a direct covenant relationship with God, I am responsible for my behavior so a direct relationship requires the believer to put more skin in the game.

Acts 17:11 The Bereans studied to see if it was true....

Taking the time to know what we believe and why we believe it requires effort. A congregation of believers who know what they believe and why they believe it makes it a very hard place for a leader to twist the truth. They will be called out before they can close their Bible.

There is value to organization, a place to worship, the ability to pool resources for missions and charity outreach and a community to encourage one another. Leadership is chosen by the people they serve based on their character. Each group is financially responsible, there is no central office, no giant pool of money and only a basic doctrine. Sharing the message is each member's responsibility, not the sole responsibility of a silver tongued hired preacher.

One disadvantage to large organizations is they have a great deal of property, personnel and infrastructure to lose so political, financial and legal concerns may effect them. The temptation to yield to pressure and conform has effected many religious organizations already. Individual believers in smaller groups have more skin in the game so they may have more ability to resist the pressures.

One question is how many will stand firm when the pressure builds. My personal belief is the church will grow when the pressure comes. A relationship with God that isn't sugar coated or easy is what many are looking for.

This is an amazing country and perhaps it is in its last days of greatness, but I don't think these are the last days for it's people. I believe a great awakening is about to happen. Many who put their faith in elected officials, political parties and big government may face a rude awakening, this includes many churches. I don't look forward to chaos but I do see in the long run it can change millions of lives.

The bottom line if you are a believer stand firm, be the remnant. What I do know God promises you are never alone and you will face persecution. I know this doesn't sound as fun as getting that new car or winning the lotto but I believe with all of my mind body and soul the next life will be worth any trials we may face. My only prayer is that I am one who stands firm.

three hundred thirty three

WHO'S DRIVING THE BUS?

This is not an original question, I have a recovering friend who asks this question regularly. I operate my life based on questions like this that I call bumper stickers. I rely on these bumper stickers rattling around in my head to make decisions instead of relying on my ever changing moods and feelings.

The "if it feels good do it", "life in the fast lane" and the "fuck it" philosophies are self serving and usually lead to disaster and emptiness. For many years I lived out these philosophies and they did lead to disaster and emptiness.

I discovered I had based my choices on my feelings and most of these foolish philosophies. This was obviously not working so I had come up with a new plan. As I yielded my will over to something bigger then myself, shut my mouth so I could listened and learned to take suggestions I discovered the power of bumper stickers.

I learned most of them in the rooms of AA, AA literature and the Bible. However Zig Ziglar, Will Rogers, Roger Waters, Oscar Wilde, Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood), Thomas Sowel, Rush Limbaugh, C.S. Lewis, and many more have given me a few but only if they are wise and true.

Bumper stickers are based on things that are true, so they do not change like my ever changing moods.

I was recently on a tour of Old Jerusalem in Israel. There were many religious men reading aloud their repetitive daily prayers. Jewish worship uses specific readings from the Torah to celebrate holy days and their children memorize prayers, history and stories. All through Israel there were constant reminders of historical places and events everywhere.

I'm certain men like this are tempted by thoughts and feelings to choose self serving behaviors. However regularly pondering the wisdom of the Torah may overcome the majority of their fears, jealousy, hatred and lust. I'm not implying they do not fall short but because their hearts and minds are being exposed to this wisdom even if they do fail, at a minimum they know they are wrong which causes them to soon repent and make things right again.

There are many who enter the rooms of AA, some leave because they are not ready, some have short term success and some pile up decades of sobriety but all have the ability to take back control and crash and burn. Those who have absorbed enough of the program do return to begin again. One meeting usually ruins all future drinking for a real alcoholic but they do know where to find the answer.

Yielding control, filling our heads with bumper stickers and sticking with there herd. The driving the bus illustration is a simple way to say yield control to a higher power. I have an additional view because I am a Christian. I trust that from the day I was baptized into God's covenant I received his spirit into my mind and heart. I also believe because I consumed his words this same spirit now lives in my head.

I'm not a snake handler, tongue speaking or faith healer. I do not say these things don't happen, they just don't happen to me. I do however look back on my life since that day and like the footstep prayer I have never been alone.

In spite of His Spirit mingling with my spirit I'm still required to expose myself to his words. I repeatedly read and study to put these words in my mind. Many of my bumper sticker truths are from the scriptures but I think these truths are expressed in other ways and through other sources. In AA those who do not recognize Jesus as their higher power do stay sober and experience serenity.

In this blog I am free to share what works for me. Out of respect for the traditions I don't talk this way in an AA meeting. Alcoholics Anonymous has one mission, to help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

I share a similar faith with many other members but to the new person and some long time members quoting scripture may not be helpful.

Who is driving the bus? says in a non religious way to allow God to take control. Many of these simple illustrations describe a deeper truth. To save a suffering soul from the horror of addiction is certainly God's will. If that person continues on seeking more truth they may open themselves up to the God if my understanding.

My only job in AA is to have my hand out to anyone who asks me how I got sober. I simply yield my will over to God (let Him drive the bus) and live my faith openly. I only need to be ready to give them an answer as to why I have hope and peace in my heart in the midst of the chaos of life.

three hundred thirty two

Faith, what is it exactly?

I have heard many descriptions and definitions of faith. The one that fits my logical brain is simple, God is faithful to his word, if he says he will do something, he will do it.

People, including me are not always faithful, we make appointments, commitments, promises, pledge our allegiance, sign contracts and swear oaths but in our weakness we don't always keep them.

We have good intentions and even think we are being faithful but we deceive ourselves by rationalizing, redefining and creating elaborate and convincing excuses for falling short. This is the difference between us and God, God does not lie or fall short, ever.

Faithfulness is what God has looked for in man from creation. Unfortunately because of our flawed nature man cannot be consistently faithful, we need his help.

The Bible is filled with personal testimony about God's faithfulness. The covenant or deal God offers and keeps with nations, groups and individuals is proof of his faithfulness.

No, there are no recordings, video, photographs or signed documents. Just personal testimony written in history and the Bible. In a court of law personal eye witness testimony is considered proof of innocents or guilt, physical evidence is not always required.

For many centuries after these testimonies were written and handed down, billions of others have had the personal experience of God's faithfulness. I am one of those people.

God has a different timeline and a much larger purpose so at times it can feel that he is not being faithful to his word. We don't see the big picture because we measure the physical world in linear time. God does not have these limitations. He calls himself "I am" for a reason, he sees all time at once.

Many of God's promises are not fulfilled during the life span of the people he promised but he does fulfill them to the following generations.

We live in an instant society today so it is even more difficult to grasp the larger picture. Because things do not happen on our schedule is not proof it will not happen. Some have used this as proof God does not exist. The more immature society becomes the more we look at God as being aloof, unfair and unfaithful. We do this to a point that we can deny his very existence. Many have sadly reached this point.

This is where I draw my own limits of understanding how God works. I will not waste my time speculating the everyday details of how he works but I do know his motives. God has clearly revealed them. He simply wants to know us and he wants to be known.

There are some things around us that I believe are here to teach us. How animals behave, how plants grow, the weather and so on. Everything teaches us something if we take the time to see it.

We grow crops, raise livestock and utilize the things God has put here to sustain us so we can see the constant recycling of life. We feel joy, sorrow, jealousy, peace, comfort, hate, loss and love. He gave us dogs to teach us to morn, children to remember how to wonder and the creation to marvel at it's intricacy and beauty.

We live in the middle of the greatest pile of physical evidence ever imagined to prove there is a Creator, but I still hear debates and declarations of how God is irrelevant and does not exist.

We have reached a point where to say "I believe God exists" is a bold statement. This watered down statement has become socially acceptable as a declaration of faith. Many have shifted their claim of faith to the word "spirituality". This throws a wide net over every warm and fuzzy feeling. Worshiping the creation not the one who created it allows them to remain in charge.

Stating that you believe in some sort of invisible being is not faith, but trusting what that being promises is faith. It is rare today that these promises are discussed because they involve yielding our will and observing moral rights and wrongs.

It is ironic that we sometimes feel God pops in and out of existence depending on whether we believe he exists or not. The ones working the hardest to talk themselves and others out of this belief are usually well educated fools. The real question isn't if we believe God exists it is if we believe God.

The chair faith illustration is an example of how we put our trust into something as common as a chair. We plop down our full weight without a second thought. Yes it is a physical thing but it is an example of complete physical trust.

All He asks is that we accept his covenant and do our best to keep it. In a future post I will describe how he provides everything we need to stay faithful to that covenant.

I know this is my bicycle blog but life circumstances have brought these issues to the forefront. My reliance on my faith has me embracing life to the fullest and no longer hiding from it. I want others to know the peace I have found in the chaos of life.

I write down my thoughts for two reasons. One is for me to sort them out as I look at them in black and white, and the other is to reveal them to others so in some way they may help.

I will end with this....

Jude 24 To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—

P.S.

Yes, my faith is in the God of the Bible. I believe God has communicated with man through inspired individuals to write down what has happened, the history of his interaction with man and the way man can have a relationship through the offering of a covenant. I believe God lives in those who enter into that covenant. I don't do well with feelings so the nuts and bolts of his parties, terms, promises and curses agreement makes sense to me. I find security in relying on this covenant and my daily interaction with his spirit that lives in me. I just trust and get out of the way.

three hundred thirty one

HAPPY HOLIDAYS?

It's December 7, 2022 in Bend Oregon, a daily fresh covering of snow, houses decorated with thousands of lights and a dozen wild deer wander the neighborhood. Television, radio and the internet are flooded with the usual holiday sales and commercials.

This holiday season I have a few friends who have lost loved ones, a few who are entangled in legal and financial issues and a few who face life threatening disease. I also have a few friends who have excellent physical health, happy and healthy families, personal success, loving marriages and wealth.

It is not new that holidays turn up the volume on everything. If life is going well for a person, the holiday season should amplify their happiness but if their life is filled with problems, it should amplify their unhappiness. This seems logical but why do people with everything going for them suffer from the holiday blues? Why do people with every reason to be depressed experience amazing holiday cheer?

This is an age old enigma I have observed all through my retail career. Dealing with people during unguarded moments while shopping or riding in the back of a cab or bus reveals a lot.

Wealthy or poor, blue or white collar, university or life educated, old or new money, young or old, religious or secular, most ethnic groups and lifestyles, they all shop for food or ride in a cab or bus. I had the perfect vantage point of an employee. During these unguarded moments they can completely ignore me, view me as a servant or see me as a person. None of these are right or wrong but it does reveal how they view strangers.

The most fun job I ever had.

I enjoy people and I love to talk and at times I talk too much. I have learned some people just want to be left alone and some enjoy talking. This can be for many reasons, shyness, nervousness, snobbishness or they just want quiet. I understand this because I'm a grumpy shopper. I'm not in a bad mood I'm just quiet. I guess I still have flash backs from over 40 years of retail.

The one thing I've learned from the people who did interact was that everyone has problems. My first impression may lead me to assume they have their life together but in a short conversation they may soon reveal they suffer loneliness, grief, loss or fear.

The measuring game is a natural human pastime. We see another persons circumstances and assume they have it together. We all put on a front to look good. Some call this hypocrisy but I think it is projection. Negativity may be how we feel inside but there is a time and place to reveal this. Putting on a good front pretending to feel they way we want to feel is not what I call hypocrisy.

A therapist, AA meeting, coffee with a trusted friend or a no risk conversation with a cab driver can be a safe place to let this out.

Well, maybe not all cab drivers....

There are generational differences, my generation is more stoic and private with our emotions and negative thoughts. Younger generations are more comfortable sharing every negative thought and feeling with the world on social media.

The question is this, do we get our feelings from our circumstances or from inside of us. Is it a spiritual thing, a perspective thing, a group thing or all three? I think it is all three.

Spiritually I get my joy from within.

Phil 4:7 "...and the peace and joy which transcends all understanding will guard our hearts and minds is in Christ Jesus".

This is something I can't explain but I can describe. Since March 31, 1980 I have had the presence of God in my heart and mind. I have been different from that moment. I have felt loneliness but I have never been alone, I have been sad but deep within there as always been joy. I forget or cover this up because I can be self centered but it has always been and will be there.

Perspective is a tool I use. In the middle of a self centered pity party I step back and take a look at the big picture. Where I'm looking seems so unimportant in the whole scheme of things once I remember what is important.

Pier pressure is powerful. If I hang out with negative people I'll be negative. If I hang out with positive people I tend to be more positive. Today negativity is everywhere. Turn on what they call news and the hate and negativity can overwhelm you. I get a five minute update on the media soap opera and shut it off. I then find a book on tape or a podcast to expand my knowledge. I avoid preachy movies, talk shows and award shows. I love sports but I'm only following Formula One racing because of all of the woke politics in every other sport.

(I would follow World Cup Soccer but what's the point if the game can end in a tie?)

I stay informed but I do not immerse myself in every detail, every interview, every analysis or every opinion. I research events myself and make up my own mind. Avoiding the "spin" actually gives me better clarity and perspective. A great deal of my peace and joy comes from seeing how little the daily events matter in the whole scheme of things.

The Holiday season has become commercialized, secularized and now politicized but we have a choice as to how we celebrate it. No matter your spiritual beliefs the holidays are about people not stuff. Take that moment to look at a stranger and genuinely say hello and take an extra second to look at them. We all yearn to be seen and heard by another person, it just takes someone to make the first move.

three hundred thirty

I encourage everyone to do three basic things, think for yourself, seek what is true and to trust facts not feelings. This has been a theme of my previous posts but I don't think this can be said enough.

Everyone has feelings but not everyone has the curiosity or the discipline to search for facts that may contradict their feelings. Conmen, propagandists and cult leaders thrive in this environment . Manipulating the masses by their feelings has become main stream today.

Feeling emotions to their fullest is what is special about life. I have experienced love beyond imagination and have had my heart broken. I have felt the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. I have felt absolute fear and the soothing safety of a protector. The ups and downs of emotions is the spice of life.

I believe our need to love and to feel loved is what I think God means when He says we are made in his image. Like the need for food, clothing and shelter the need to love and bond is vital to human survival. All of these require a balance but sometimes we get out of balance.

It has become common today that emotions are valued above facts. We hear things like "my truth" or "my reality" and somehow this becomes a valid argument. It has become acceptable that feelings have become arguments that counter proven facts.

It takes little effort to live in a world of emotion. We take in the world around us and simply feel, no research, investigation or questioning. Combine this with pier pressure and the silencing of those who sight proven facts, we have a society that is drifting from feeling to feeling.

This may explain why there is such a divide in opinions. One side feels and accuses the other side that they don't care because they sight facts. It is true that empathy, fear and sadness requires a response so we hear pleas to "do something"! The other side looks at cause and effect, laws, rights and results. How a person feels about a document doesn't change what it says.

Debate is almost nonexistent today. It is hard to argue with feelings. Feelings can change from moment to moment and person to person so feelings are like jello, they are hard to nail down. Polls are sighted as if they are facts but they only prove a majority of people feel a similar way. On the other hand pure legalistic arguments can sometimes be heartless and cruel, there needs to be a balance.

We should not blindly trust feelings or blindly trusting facts. We all need to learn how to value both.

I will admit I have learned not to trust feelings because I was deceived by my own feelings for many years.

When I was lost in my struggle with alcohol I thought I was a logical thinking person but under the surface I was being controlled by my feelings. I knew for a fact my drinking had become a problem so I would swear off drinking but find myself drunk by the end of the day.

This went on until I thought I was crazy. I found help with the 12 steps and other sober alcoholics. I learned I was subconsciously making emotional decisions based on pure feelings, fear, anger, worry and hate. Being comfortably numb most of the time I was deceived by my emotions.

I had to learn to set my emotions aside and trust basic facts to stay sober. This took some time to learn, so I now fall on the side of questioning every feeling. After practicing this for 32 years it is how I think today.

I'm not a smarter or better person, I just learned to question my emotions as a mode of survival. I still get caught up in a too good to be true sales scheme now and then, follow an emotional argument for a while and believe a politician for a millisecond, but eventually I find myself peaking behind the curtain.

This post won't change the world or heal the divide in society but it might get at few people to think. I have seen this as a major problem all through history. Short term, emotions usually win out over facts, but eventually the facts can no longer be ignored because of the eventual consequences.

The pendulum swings eventually but unfortunately it can sometimes be too late. I trust in the one fact that is constant, God is in control. I can want people and things to go the way I think they should but I can only control my own behavior.

Our society is hurting today, I'm part of the "If it feels good do it " generation so I have no moral high ground to stand on. I do however think there is a quiet movement that none of us can see going on in the background. History has shown us that people only change when things get difficult.

three hundred twenty nine

THE SMELL OF A BASEBALL GLOVE

This post is for the young boys in old bodies.

When I was a kid baseball was as popular as video games are to kids today. Boys played baseball endlessly on the school yard, in city parks, cow patty mined pastures or any empty lot we could find with or without permission.

We collected baseball cards, pretended to be our favorite player and played until it was too dark to see the ball. Life was different because we weren't distracted by modern technology. We didn't miss video games or social media because they had not been invented.

The one item that connects me to those days is the smell of a baseball glove, a strange combination of leather, sweat and dirt. There are a few baseball movies that I watch when I have had my fill of politics. Bull Durum, Major League, The Love Of The Game, The Natural, Money Ball, Bad News Bears and Field Of Dreams are just a few. I listen to baseball books on tape and when I have an opportunity, watch a live game.

I love the game of baseball but I have lost interest in the Major League. The egos, BLM, wokeness and endless politics just got old, baseball is to be an escape from all of that crap. I love a well coached little league game, a local softball game, a high school and some college games because they are still immune from most of that BS.

My baseball glove was an old style infield mitt, it's now buried with my Father along with a well worn Rawlings baseball.

I didn't always get along with my Dad but the one place where we never disagreed was while we were having a catch. A catch with my Dad was a very special event, we were just a boy and his Dad and a Dad and his boy. It did not require a conversation just a place, a ball and two gloves.

The game of baseball has many parallels to life, every play has a life lesson. Every play can make you a heel or a hero. You had to learn to endure and thrive in the spotlight.

There is no place to hide in baseball, eventually you are the focus of everyones attention. Everything is clear, you get a hit or you strike out, you make the catch or you miss it and you are either safe or you are out. However an overthrow or a throw to the wrong base will leave a mark.

To stand at the plate with a full count and bases loaded you can't just stand there. Watching your favorite pitch hit the catchers glove while you stand there is a sinking feeling. You learn quickly to at least go down swinging.

Many sayings come from baseball, keep your eye on the ball, just make contact, stay in the inning and it ain't over until it's over. Yogi Berra has coined an encyclopedia of these phrases he is worth a read.

Just talking about the scent of a well used baseball glove brings back strong memories. In fact it has me searching the vintage glove sites to find the Bob Feller glove I inherited from my older brother.

The power of scent marks us forever. One whiff takes us back to a special moment in our lives. These are just a few of mine.